When You Know It's Time

 So my brother in law Dennis just returned from Amsterdam and Paris -- a trip where he took his granddaughter. He's 80. I asked him about it, and he had a great time, but complained about the difficulty of navigating the many steps at the Paris Metro, and distances walking at Versailles. My sister, his wife, stayed home -- knowing the trip would have been far too daunting for her. She uses a walker and Euro things like cobblestones and long distances without vehicles would have done her in.

And it got me remembering -- back when we celebrated my Mom's birthdays, in her eighties. They were some fine times.

In April of 2000, I took Wifey, the Ds, and my Florida sister to SF. We met my California sister and two nephews there, and had a great time. As we boarded the plane at MIA, I told the flight attendant the purpose of the trip, and the Captain announced a happy birthday to a special passenger, Sunny. They brought us a bottle of champagne, which we drank later in the hotel.

Back then, still in the chips, I paid for everyone and everything. The hotel was up a hill with a view of Alcatraz. Sunny was still mostly mobile, though the hills of that once beautiful city required some comical pushing at the tuches by her grandkids. We found a restaurant called Pat's Cafe, which was my eldest nephew's name, and had all of our breakfasts there.

We drove to wine country and toured a winery. We visited Alcatraz. The minivan I rented sat 7, and PJ good naturedly rode in the back -- we would laugh when we freed him each time we reached a destination.

Sunny loved it. One of my all time favorite all time photos of her was posed with two punk rocker guys with mohawks and lots of steel jewelry. One stuck his tongue in her ear. At Fisherman's Wharf, there was a street performer called Bush Man. He would hide behind a plant, and scare passersby. A crowd gathered to laugh. We laughed -- a lot.

After our SF stay, my California sister took Sunny to LA -- and they took a cruise from there. As I said -- I was in the chips -- and Sunny was to be treated like a queen. After that, they went back to Sue's house in Visalia and spent some more time. Sunny had lots of energy for an 80 year old.

At 85 for Sunny, I was still in the chips, and this time took everyone, except my Florida sister who was left off the free flight plan this time, to LA. Wifey found a hotel in Hollywood next to the legendary Magic Castle, where magician from around the world gathered. By then, my nephew Henry and his then girlfriend lived in SF, where they attended college. We mustered, and it was another lovely celebration.

This time -- it was more poignant. We went to Pasadena, where Mom had married Dad during WW II, and visited the Huntington Ritz Carlton, where the wedding took place, and had breakfast. We had Sunny direct us to places from her early wedded days, and ended up on Colorado Boulevard, of Little Old Lady Beach Boys fame. 

She recalled having coffee each morning at a place called Owl Drugs, before taking a streetcar up the hills to CalTech, where she was a secretary to the Dean. Hmm...where was it. We were standing at a Gap store, and PJ looked down. The mosiac tiles said "Owl Drug Building!" It was a moment of shivers across the decades.

We took her to the Ghetty, and Skirball Jewish Museum. My law school friend Chery and her husband Neal had the Ds and me to House of Blues, where a young man hung with us. He was the bassist from Yellow Card, a group the Ds knew well. Everyone had a great time.

Cheyl hosted us for dinner, and Sunny had a fall. Luckily nothing broken -- but it was a sign.

Her 85th birthday would be her last airplane trip. She knew it, and we did, too. She had reached the end of that line.

There were another 4 years of independence -- until at 89 she reversed her car instead of putting it into Drive, and wrecked two other vehicles in a parking lot. That was it for her license.

That seemed to signal the beginning of the long decline. Probably by 91 she needed to go into an ALF --but she resisted mightily. We compromised -- she had to leave her door unlocked, so visiting paramedics could easily enter to right her when she fell and couldn't get up, like the comical warning buzzer commercials.

I took her to Miami Jewish for an evaluation, and she was a candidate for full nursing care -- she had declined past ALF status. But she wailed -- no -- she would be just fine with her thrice weekly aide!

She wasn't incompetent, and so I followed her wishes, until finally, after a nasty fall in May of 2012, after she turned 92, she was taken to Delray Hospital. Dr. Eric, her doctor and additional son, told me something that changed everything -- her albumin levels were those of a starving person -- she wasn't eating, as she promised she was.

Well -- that was the "no more monkeys jumping on the bed" moment, and after fetching D2 at Gainesville for the Summer, stopped off and fetched Sunny -- to Miami Jewish Home for her final 11 months.

But the point was, we knew when the travel part of her life had concluded. And it was fine -- she had seen the world! She visited everyplace she ever dreamed about -- including two trips to her beloved China, a place she dreamed about since she read Pearl S Buck's "The Good Earth" as a teenager.

I feel like the lyrics of the Johnny Cash song: I've been everywhere, man. I've been everywhere.

Of course, I haven't really, and I thank Wifey for being the engine of having me overcome the laziness that would keep me in the 305. We have a big trip all planned for December -- Buenos Aires, Mendoza, and a luxury resort in Chile. Buenos Aires has always been on my list. I need to learn to tango. Ha. I DO need some of their fine steaks and maybe even some wine. I assume they have Argentinian vodka.

I guess the point is to do it now -- until I know it's time.