Learning To Be A Better Friend

 I joke with a close friend that he is Mr. Impressionable. He'll see a movie, or read a book, and proclaim that is was "life changing." That's rare for me, though I am very gratified when I do learn a truly resonating lesson.

When I thnk about my identity, about who I really AM, I unhesitatingly proclaim that number one, I am a father. It is a role I sought, and give all of my heart and head to, and though am self deprecating about much else, am NEVER selling myself short as a Dad. I know my Ds and their men will agree.

Next, I pride myself on who I am as a friend. If you are in my inner circle, well, you know I will go to the mat for you. Years ago, Rabbi Yossi taught me a lesson about friendship, and I think about it constantly.

He asked me to define friendship, and I answered it means being there for your friend in a time of need. No -- he corrected -- that is ANY decent person. According to the Rabbi, and his knowledge of the wisdom of we Chosen -- a true friend is one who wants you to soar -- in the way we want our kids to soar.

Many people have friends, and when they hear about them winning some life lottery, have private misgivings. "Why did THAT lazy bastard get so rich? How did that meishkeit score such a successful man?" It's human nature to envy. 

But a true friend truly wants you to do better. And in a Top 10 compliment, Rabbi Yossi told me he sees that in me -- I KVELL about the accomplishments of my true friends. When one of them soars, I soar with them. I'm just waiting for one of them to become truly wealthy -- and thereafter pick up every tab we encounter! Also, private jet travel would be nice...

Anyway, I reflected on this last night, as Joelle and Kenny came by for pizza, drinks, and watching Kubrick's first movie, "The Killing."

A little teary, I told Joelle she had made me a better friend. Poor thing had already heard the tale several times, but last night I shared it again.

When Wifey was in the hospital and then rehab following her stroke 2.5 years ago, all of my crew were there for me. I assembled Team Wifey, consisting of Drs. Eric, Barry, and Kenny. Any decisions I ran past them, and Wifey knew she got the best advice available.

I was invited out a lot, of course, but Joelle did something unique: she FORCED me to get together with her and her family. She would call, and I would beg off, and she would say "Yeah -- be at our house at 6. No excuses."

And those evenings with her and Kenny and their amazing sons meant everything to me. I needed company more than I had realized.

Joelle also showed her colors when D2 got married. D2, surrounded by her amazing friends, sought quiet on her actual wedding day -- wanted to get her mani/pedi done alone.

That same day, another guest, from out of town, called her. The hotel wasn't honoring the room discount, and what would D2 do about it???? D2 was too polite to summon her Logan Roy, and say Fuck Off, but instead told the guest to please contact her wedding planner -- she really couldn't help her on what was supposed to be a hassle free day of a young woman's life.

Coincidentally, Joelle was at the same salon, getting her stuff done for the night. She hugged D2, and said "I have a sense you want to be alone, or else your bridal party would all be here." And she walked away.

When D2 went to pay the large tab, they said the other lady had taken care of it. Now THAT is a friend.

Hopefully, we continue to learn each day of our lives. And when it comes to learning human nature, love, and friendship, I love to be a perpetual student -- especially when the lessons run so deep.