Big Ass Bar Mitzvah

My orthodox rabbi's first born had his Bar Mitzvah yesterday, in the Center my law partner and I helped found. It was quite an affair, since the rabbi and his wife had all of their siblings there, and each comes from a 6 or 7 child family!

I sat through the hocus pocus part of the morning, as the son read from the Torah in front of the packed house. I saw a lot of folks from the old days (10-12 years ago) who I used to run into at the shul.

Afterwards, the Bar Mitzvah boy gave a great speech about the most positive aspects of the Chabad people --being a lamplighter, urging others to do good (not just doing good yourself). It was positive and uplifting.

Afterwards, the congregation went outside for the Kiddush luncheon, where a big tent was erected over the parking lot. The Rabbi's brother in law was there, a bundle of red headed energy. Mendy left Miami 7 years ago, newly married, and now has his own congregation near Boston, and FIVE CHILDREN!!!! He's 31, his wife is 30. The truth is, if the Jewish people are to survive, it will be because of Chasids like him, who follow the be fruitful and multiply law very well.

Mendy poured some fine single malt Scotch (just about all Scotch is kosher) freely, remiunding me of what attracted me to this branch of Judaism in the first place. Within the hour, we were all pretty drunk, and feeling closer to the Big Man.

The Rabbi kept introducing me as "the bedrock" of our congregation, a man "there for us from the beginning."

Of course, this was followed by the inevitable sales pitch about "the next stage" or "the coming level." As I said, I was drunk, and missed the details.

One of the family asked me the rhetorical question of whether I wanted even more business success. The answer is supposed ot be "Of course," whereupon the 770 (Chabad Headquarters) rejoinder is an urging to "Make God a partner."

I answered "No, not really --I've made enough money." This seemed to fluster the fellows at my drinking table, since the Home Office doesn't have, I guess, a proper fundraising hook for an admitted slacker to be.

Still, it was a fun afternoon, of drinking and laughing, and seeing old friends. My days as a big macher are over. My charitable endeavors will go towards issues of pediatric medical research, and other non religious causes.

I'm truly not a man of religion, and, as I've told my rabbi friend many times, until the Hurricanes start playing on a different day, will NOT keep shabbos. I'm proud of my heritage, and am thankful of what my rabbi friend has taught me, but, as far as any more observation of the faith is concerned, I'm borrowing Bob Dylan's words: It ain't me, babe.