Stadium Disorientation

 Man, I still miss the old Orange Bowl. First, it was the greatest place to watch big football games, after tailgating in the lots where many guests would arrive after negotiating parking prices for "no blockee " spots with the local Cubans. But also, as a semi circle, I always knew where I was -- the open end was to the East, and from there, I never got lost.

When the Canes moved to Joe Robbie, it was a different animal. The stadium is a rectangle, and oriented SE to NW. I always had a tough time figuring out the tailgate lots, despite overhead flag signs. And, a few years ago, they put in tunnels and bridges to prevent cars and pedestrians from meeting, and so often you have to walk up stairs, then down, and then up again.

For years, we would all meet in the Orange lot, typically Norman and Mike a few spots apart, providing great tailgate spots. That ended last year. Truth is, Joe Robbie, as I will always call it, has evolved into probably the premier venue for sports and entertainment in the US. They host F1, which is huge, built a new tennis stadium for the big Miami Open, and host concerts like the coming Taylor Swift. Wifey and I saw the Stones there in '17, the final show with drummer Charlie Watts before he went off into that great Paradiddle in the Sky.

Anyway, now the attendants direct you to where they want, and it's tough to pull up by your buddies. This year, I changed from Orange to Green, since the Green lot lets me exit onto 199 Street, and then I go west to 27th Avenue, driving through Carol City and singing Rick Ross's "Everyday I'm Hustling" as I make my way to the Palmetto. From the Orange Lot, you have to get on the Turnpike, go north for an exit, and then west. Not a big deal -- adds about 15 minutes to the drive home, but I change so little in my life, I figured Canes parking was a good exception. Yesterday was the first game of my new era.

I had a rare companion for the game: Wifey. She really doesn't like the heat, but agreed to go since kickoff was 6 pm. That didn't much matter -- we were hot as hell until nearly half time. She also went since we thought Donna was attending, and they sit in front of us. Alas, Dr. Barry and Donna couldn't come -- health issues with Beverly, Barry's Mom.

Anyway, we arrived at the gate just before 5, and the attendant directed me to the right, a row of spots just north of 199 Street. Mike and Jeannine and Chris were hosting a small tailgate, and Wifey and I hoofed it around the perimeter of the inner lots to find them. I was aided by my healthy red cup of Absolut Elyxx and ice. As the walk progressed, I got happier. We happened upon our friends.

Wifey chowed down -- Mike had brought Popeye's chicken, which Wifey would never buy herself, but found a guilty pleasure. I abstained from eating -- I'm cutting carbs and calories before Mike and Loni's girl Amanda's wedding, and figured I'd score an expensive bunless hot dog in the Club. I didn't -- we just bought Wifey an $8 water. On the way out, I gave $20 to a high school football player fundraising for Booker T High -- I figured the hot dog fee might as well go to a good cause.

Anyway, we made our way to our seats. Eric and Dana's kids Josh and Jenn were in our section in their parents' seats -- they were up in NY. Wifey and I went over to say hello to them and the 2 oldest grandkids, and I sent a video to the greatgrandparents of their loved ones.

And then the game -- a yawner, as expected. The Canes dominated. They truly look the best they have in over a decade, with our one year QB Cam Ward the best since Ken Dorsey, who won us a ring. We'll see.

I actually thought about leaving in the second quarter, but Wifey noticed it had gotten cooler, and so we stayed until the third. I thought the great FAMU band would perform -- they did not, just the anemic UM Band of the Hour, which seems more, these days, the band of the 15 minutes.

When we left, it was through the SE gate, which was close to Green. Still, we wandered around, despite directions from attendants. When we finally got to our row, Wifey asked if she could just sit and have me pick her up. I lied and told her the road was one way -- I feared some attendant wouldn't let me back track. Wifey joked how she had become my Mom, who famously LOATHED walking. But we slowed down, and Wifey made it.

We agreed she had served her football sentence for the season -- maybe for all time. We'll see next year.

So the Canes are great, and we had a fine time. Next Saturday we host Ball State, famous only for being David Letterman's alma mater. Ought to be another yawner. Hopefully Mirta will be my date -- she's letting me know this week.

Today, we're off in the afternoon to meet D1 and her men -- for the capybara experience. Hopefully for Wifey, there'll be less walking...