Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Ready For My Chippendales Closeup Now

 So wonderful Dr. Jeremy Green, dermatologist to the stars as well as my humble family, cleared me of skin cancer worries in December. I thought I was done with seeing him until next December, but I noticed a rather unsightly dark hyperpigmentation bump pop up on the side of my face, joining several others which were not as unsightly. I figured I would go for a facial, and get it removed, but Wifey and the Ds told me that was a job for Dr. Green.

I called on Monday, figuring I'd get in to see him in a few months, but the receptionist said there was a cancellation for the following day -- would I like it? Would I, would I, as my late Mom's favorite joke punchline went. So I was off to San Remo for the second day in a row.

On Monday, Norman was nice enough to invite me to go to the Panthers game with him, and I fetched him at his office, right across from Dr. Green's. We joked that we were celebrating MLK Day by watching the whitest sport there is, NHL, but indeed the Ducks have a single African American player. He, along with the sax player who played the national anthem, may well have been the only 2 black guys in the arena.

Still, we had a great time -- eating some decent kosher hot dogs and chilling, literally, in the stands. The Cats lost in OT, but we still had a great time.

I mentioned to Norman that if he had extra tickets later in the season, I'd love to take my grandson, since Norman had already outfitted him and his baby brother with Panther swag. Norman sent his 4 tickets and parking pass for a game in March, which happens to be Kids Day, and the family is VERY excited. My friends rock, despite being called assholes a few months back. I guess you can't please everyone.

Anyway, I drove back to the Gables, and told the receptionist and later Dr. Green's PA that I needed the unsightly tags removed since I was auditioning for the Chippendales, and they required no blemishes anywhere. I also had a large tag above my ample belly. The two ladies may have spit up their coffee, and I poker face asked what was so funny. Didn't they think a 50 lb overweight guy could be a Chippendale? Hadn't they seen the classic SNL skit where Chris Farley competes with studly Patrick Swayze for the final spot on the roster? The PA had, the receptionist had not, but she said she would, since she thought Farley was hilarious and Swayze hot -- RIP to both of them.

Dr. Green came in, and we deconstructed the Canes latest transfer portal moves -- agreeing the late QB pickup could be a game changer. He said he wanted a cut of any of my NIL earnings from the Chippendales, and I agreed, reminding him not to plan on any sort of real money from that endeavor, even following the Speedo calender they might well put together.

I went to pay the bill, figuring it would be north of a thousand dollars, as he charges for each surgical removal, and the checkout person said "$150 for today." He really digs me and my family -- hell -- for $150 some salons these days give you a haircut.

I immediately came home and went online with Big Daddy's Liquors in the Grove, and sent him a special edition Johnnie Walker Blue, with a card saying "The Best Whisky for the Finest Doc." Yeah -- he's my main man crush. He's also Wifey and the Ds main man crush -- boyishly handsome and charming.

So right now I look like was was in a knife fight with an assailant with a VERY small knife -- but I should heal in a week or so -- and be pretty again.

Meanwhile, on Sunday the family had a great Circle of Life time together. Wifey and I returned Betsy to D2 and Jonathan in their new house in the Shores! It's beautiful. Joey came by on bike with Baby Man, who happily toddled around the mostly furniture-free spaces. Jonathan came home from his new spot -- Home Depot -- and we three toasted. It was a beautiful new beginning.

Then it came time to honor the past. We gathered at the public Bay access at 96th Street as D1 scattered the cremains of her beloved Madeleine, and read inspiring words. The rain and wind kicked up, as if, D2 noted, the sky was crying. We huddled together and said our goodbyes, as the Little Man struggled with his pink umbrella in the wind -- thankfully not getting the gravity of the sadness of the moment.

We retired back to D1 and Joey's house, and brought in pizza, and toasted the passing of a great dog again.

After, I dropped D2 and Jonathan home -- the drive took 4 minutes -- and Wifey and I came home.

New beginnings and the passing of dear pets. 62.5 year old men still trying to look pretty. Yep -- plenty of stuff still happens.

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