I've lost two fairly close friendships over my life, which I guess is not a bad record for this vicinity, to borrow from the naughty Irish limerick. Both ended because of money.
The older friend, a fellow I ran with in college, lived a colorful life -- 4 marriages to three different women. After his third divorce, where he paid wife #3 and #4 a ton of money, he came to me for a large loan, to start a business I knew would come under intense government scrutiny, on account of it relied on Medicaid and Medicare. I refused -- and asked why he didn't ask his ex, but soon to become new wife again, for some of the millions he had given her. He said she refused. She was very savvy.
Well, I said no as well, and he was terribly hurt that I turned him down. He wrote a long email explaining how hurt he was, and I told him I was sorry he felt that way. That was adios.
Later, I learned at lunch from an even older friend of his that he had blown off said friend while his wife, a mutual childhood friend, was dying of cancer. So I felt maybe I wasn't such a jerk for refusing the loan, afterwards. The good news is, I wished him well, and I think he's doing quite well.
The second loss was John, who I call Fredo, on account of his betrayal of our little group of lawyers. His treachery hurt deep -- and caused us years of annoyance, concluding with a trial where we recouped some of the losses from his actions. But I forgave him in my heart -- he's older and not in the best of health, and I assume I will learn of his death sooner than later. I won't go to his funeral.
And now presently there is an existential threat to two more friendships -- also about sharing fees. It isn't just about the actual numbers, but rather learning a younger lawyer I considered a friend and mentee harbored long held, totally incorrect thoughts about past dealings.
I want to think the fellow said these things as mere negotiation tactics, as when I pointed out my "broken promise" about a case close to 10 years ago wasn't a promise I could have even made, as his deal was with a lawyer other than me, he seemed to accept that.
We had a lot to do with his current spot, heading to a partnership with an even closer friend, and last night I asked the older guy to "leash his dog." My friend essentially shrugged his shoulders, saying he was powerless.
WHAT???? Back when this event took place, my friend was the fellow's boss, and in an episode of clerical incompetence, let the young guy sign HIS name to a contract instead of signing his own. And now we have a mess.
I was as upset last night as I've been in quite awhile -- much more about the potential loss of friendships than about the money. Money is important -- always is. Hell -- we just booked a cruise for early March, and Wifey told me last night she booked another one with her friend just over a month later. So I got bills...
And then I went to bed, and thought long and hard. I have to follow the advice of "Frozen" and let it go.
This matter will be worked out, or it won't. Hell -- I bought some new suits recently, to account for my corpulence, and if I have to wear them to court, so be it.
But tonight is shabbos, and we have great plans: Paul and Patricia are hosting us, with Dr. Barry and Donna and possible young Josh, at their place in Aventura. Paul and I have pledged to leave the unpleasantness outside, and focus on our manifold blessings.
Of course, the worst thing about living in Miami comes into play: traffic. What used to be a half hour drive is now 1.5 hours to get to Aventorture, as our friend Allison calls it. But that's ok -- there'll be a few stiff Stolis awaiting my arrival, and an evening with two of my brothers.
We all funny -- but in the good way -- laughter and warmth. And that's what I choose to embrace.
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