Everything's Quiet on Father's Day

 Ah, FD -- the po relation of Mother's Day. The latter was signed into law by a US President. FD just sort of appeared as an after thought. And that's ok. Mom's get all the press -- I mean, their commitment to having a child is monumental in relation to what men have to do, and from there the best Mom's have very loving yet complicated relationships with their kids. The best fathers are mules.

And therein lies the dignity. One of my favorite celebrities was Sidney Poitier. I first thought he was cool when I was 5. There was a kids' movie out called "Puss N Boots," and I asked my sister Sue to take me. She asked where it was playing, and I said the Levittown Theater. We arrived there, and "To Sir, With Love" was the feature. Sue questioned me, and my 5 year old version said "Well the TV said it was playing at a theater near you, and the Levittown is near us!" Yes, I was a cute kid, and we stayed for the updated "Blackboard Jungle," and I learned that Poitier was the epitome of cool.

Anyway, he wrote an autobiography years back, entitled "The Measure of a Man." And this international figure, born in the US to Bahamian parents --in Miami, in fact -- had a very simple definition of a good man: "One who takes care of his family."

Luckily, I had a supreme role model in my Dad. He took care of his family first and foremost -- probably to a point it led to an early death, in that he would internalize the problems of his kids. I try to leave that last part out -- easier said than done.

Last night I had our usual Zoom cocktail party with Barry and Donna and Eric and Dana. Wifey sat off to the side -- she HATES Zooms -- and the running joke is she sits off to the side silently judging. But I toasted Barry and Eric and me -- three friend since we were late teens in college, who have all become top notch fathers, and for Eric and me, top notch grandfathers.

And we're proud men -- last year described as assholes by Wifey's friend, I guess because we think we're in fact proud -- and it is well deserved. We enjoy our lives immensely, and realize how blessed we are -- but we eat after our kids eat. It's that simple.

I used to proclaim I was the best Dad I knew, but years ago I abdicated that title to a young friend, Alex. He gives and gives so much to his kids, one of whom is profoundly disabled and non verbal. Once, over lunch, he explained that his daughter, and most kids, can say "I love you, Dad," and "Thanks for all you do." His son can't, and yet Alex KNOWS how much the boy loves him. To me -- he goes to the next level, and I told him so. So on this FD, I remember and honor, as I always do, Alex.

We plan to celebrate FD a day early: today. Jonathan's sister and brother and law are visiting from Canada, and his family is getting together tomorrow. Joey heard that and was thrilled -- his FD wish is to watch golf tomorrow -- I guess the US Open is on.

So the Ds and their men are due this afternoon. I'll pour some martinis for my sons in law and me, and we'll probably take the 2 little men for a walk around the 'hood -- D1 had a covered wagon sent over, and the 3.5 year old enjoys the search for iguanas and peafowl. Also, our 'hood is littered with mangoes, and I'm sure there'll be some gleaning. Mangoes don't do it for me, but I get why some people are nuts for them, so to speak.

Tomorrow I plan to reflect on my Dad -- the leader of the band to me. The last FD I got to celebrate with him was in June of '82 -- now 41 years gone by. I don't recall what we did -- probably shared some corned beef sandwiches at one of the Delray delis. He'd be gone less than a month later.

And I think of him daily. Some of it is with sadness -- he loved the closeness of his family -- and that wasn't in the cards. The fate of a grandson he got to meet as a baby has been particularly challenging. He never got to meet Wifey, or my Ds, or my grandchildren. But he lives on -- my oldest grandson's middle name is Dad's.

Someday I'll tell him long tales about his namesake -- although hearing about a man born in 1919 will be ancient history to someone born 100 years later.

And then Monday, early, I'm off -- to Maine as a wingman on a field trip to bring some cats back to Miami. I'm looking forward to it -- spending some quality time with a brother since junior high -- and drinking a vodka or two while looking out on beautiful Thompson Lake. I already checked the weather -- 50s at night -- perfect sleeping weather.

So another FD is upon us. Juneteenth, too, which has become a thing -- they're even closing the banks and stock markets Monday. Funny -- I'm headed to the whitest state in the country -- I don't imagine Juneteenth will be a thing there -- but you never know.

My traveling companion is also a magnificent Dad. We'll toast to that, too, a couple of highly effective mules.