Friday, January 7, 2022

What A Way To Start the Year: My Wife Left Me And I Had Cancer Surgery

 So 12/28 I had my annual skin cancer check with Dr. Green, the handsome and charming young dermatologist my family all loves. I think I'm his favorite patient, as the majority of people he sees are women for cosmetic issues, and he and I share a fanatic love of the Hurricanes, and we always catch up -- lately commiserate. His PA actually cut him off at the end of our visit -- reminding me enough about offensive coordinator candidates, and back to his other patients.

He wacked off two moles he found -- one of which was a repeat customer, on the right side of my nose. Last year he froze it off and biopsied it, and it was benign, but the little bugger came back, which was mildly concerning.

Sure enough, on Wednesday his office called -- it tested positive for squamous cell -- and I needed to see Dr. Herman, across the street from Dr. Green, for a Mohs surgery.

It wasn't my first rodeo. In '16 she removed a basal cell growth on my right forehead, after which I began to religiously use sun block. Ha. Wrong. I'm capable of idiocy, and continued my daily perambulations with no protection at all, and sure enough, this time Mr. Squamous came for a visit.

I called yesterday for an appointment with the very attractive Dr. H, blonde haired and blue eyed, and was told she was taking new appointments for mid February. That'd be fine -- squamous cell ca s don't typically kill you that fast...but wait...she had a cancellation for the very next am -- did I want it? I did -- she set me for 11:30 am.

Meanwhile, after a series of permutations befitting a rocket launch, Wifey decided she WAS going to ATL to visit her BFF Edna after all --- and was leaving this am. So I set my alarm, awoke the woman who typically sleeps late, and we were off the MIA. I figured she had a 75% chance of actually making it, and make it she did -- scooped up by Edna and beginning 11 days of solving the problems of the world and comparing life's issues. Heaven for Wifey.

So she DID in fact leave me, but is due back in 11 days.

I killed some time with breakfast and a bank visit, and then was off to Dr. H. She always runs on time. Since I had seen her, she got married and had a baby girl -- now 3. She had also seen my friend Mike earlier -- I showed her a picture of his chin bandage from earlier in the day. She laughed.

My nose was numbed, and the actual surgery was over in less than a minute. I was told to wait for the frozen pathology section. I texted my group, and the Ds, and Wifey arrived in ATL. 

She came back in -- the one pass removed the cancer cells -- she stitched me up and said to return in a week for stitches removal. This time I WILL start wearing sunblock.

I took the elevator down 2 flights and met Norman, whose office is in the same building. We walked across to Merrick Park, and he treated me to a delicious lunch at Perry's -- a place I'd wanted to visit for a long time. The anesthetic wore off. My nose was sore -- but I plan on re -numbing it tonight with several martinis at home.

So, indeed Wifey left and I had cancer surgery. This is a true statement. But as negative things go, these are in fact benign -- unlike the cells on my nose. But the bad ones are gone now.

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