Taking the Hint

I have an old friend, someone I've known since I lived in NY many, many years before. We were close, sharing each other's tales of life, but over the years we grew apart.

Part of it was we had less and less in common --my kids dominate importance in my life -- not so much for my friend. And we were also close with each other's parents, and now they're all gone.

Still, I kept up with the friend -- cheerleading through seemingly never ending rough patches. Our talks became more and more surface -- about weather, and current events.

It occurred to me that the friend had stopped calling me -- the last several calls I initiated, and some were not returned. When we did speak I had the sense that the friend wanted to hurriedly end the call. I obliged.

I guess one of my last remaining areas of naivete involves friendship. I used to think close friends lasted forever. The years have taught me otherwise -- most friendships are situational -- you have things in common, and enjoy each other's company and counsel, but when people move, or change jobs, or no longer have the same people in common, the friendships fade.

I had one close friend since college -- he had a pattern: when he was married, he'd sort of blow me off, but when his 3 marriages ended, he'd follow after me like a puppy dog.  After paying major alimony for his third time, he asked me for a loan, for a business that I knew would fail, if not attract criminal investigation, and so I refused.  He ended up re-marrying his third wife, and I figured we hadn't spoken since he was focused on her. But it turned out, he was so hurt that I wouldn't loan him the money (as I expected, the business failed) he could no longer be my friend. Oh well...

I have another friend, also from college, who always had an air of superiority about him, and he rose high in our legal profession. But he pulled some bad stuff, including an infamous case where he took advantage of some working class people whose interests he was supposed to protect, and I sort of decided I didn't want him in my life anymore.

So I know a little something about the end of friendships, and I guess it's happening again.

I never harbor ill will -- I always wish people well. Well, not always -- a former friend who screwed us in business will forever be known as Fredo, after the treacherous brother in II. I don't wish him well -- in fact, I fully expect he'll get fired from the new legal job he wrangled himself into, and I won't feel at all bad when that happens...

But the latest -- I indeed do know how to take a hint, and I'll let the friendship fade away.

It's just part of life.