Virtual Jews

I rarely attend services anymore. Even at the High Holidays, I LIKE the idea of going, but somehow I don't. Services to me are like having a Fire Department -- good to know they're there, but I'm not going to tour the trucks. An exception is Kol Nidre -- the service the evening Yom Kippur begins. I love the creepy sounding music, which comedian Lewis Black said are the basis for all Hitchcock movie scores. I enjoy the fact that the prayers are recited 3 times --first softly, as if the congregation fears the King (Big Man -- not Elvis) and then crescendoing to loud, as they feel comfortable with the King. So this year I planned to go -- even telling Rabbi Yossi I would be there. But you know how it is...one thing leads to another. As the hour grew late, I found myself with D1 and 2 Joels and the senior Joel's friend, enjoying Happy Hour on Brickell. I came home and had some great pre fast Chinese takeout, from a place called, really, Takee-Outee, and then I didn't go. But wifey and I attended, online. Our local richest congregation, Beth Am, had streaming services. Wifey and I watched on the computer. The cantor, who we know, along with D2's 2 friends, her daughters, was terrific. She wrote some of her own music for YK. It was Andrew LLoyd Weber-like. "Phantom" meets Kol Nidre. And, being Reform, the words were all in English. I watched as I petted the strange rescue dog. She seemed to say she preferred I was home. I don't know. It's good to be at Chabad, and they try to make you feel at home, but since I wasn't raised religious, I always feel out of place. I'm forever zigging when the more knowledgable are zagging. Like the first time I came to Kol Nidre -- they were all wearing sandals. It turns out that you're supposed to avoid leather shoes on YK. No one made fun of me except my wise ass friend Craig, who is ALWAYS somehow making it clear he WAS raised with a lot of the Jewish religion, as opposed to my experience. Somehow watching online was cool -- and did the trick. Or DID it? Tradition says YK is when we're written in the Book of Life for another year. The Big Man may well construe our attending online as a sacrilege. If so, this blog won't be around long. I don't know. Seems HE has bigger things to deal with. Meanwhile, Wifey wants to find out if the Beth Am sessions are available on CD.