New Year's Day

So it's the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and what have I done? Another year older, a new one just begun... It's the Days of Awe, and I wish I was a believer. I tried for years, to go to shul, but I just never connected. I guess I'm firmly my father's son. But still, as my Rabbi Yossi friend likes to point out, SOMETHING stirs inside of me. I know this: I won't work today, tomorrow, or Yom Kippur. That comes from an acquaintance in the distant past, Wifey and my first stockbroker, Ronnie. We went out for dinner before the High Holidays. His then wife Kathy was talkiing about how she had to dazzle that year at the rich synagogue, Temple Beth Am, and she needed a new wardrobe. Ronnie asked where we went to services, and I told him we didn't. So you just sit home all day, he asked. No, I told him -- I worked -- the Holidays really didn't mean anything to me. "Don't do that, David." Not going to services is one thing, but working, and treating the Holidays like nothing special is disrespectful. Non believing Christians don't work Xmas, unless they have to, and you should at least honor the Days." I took his advice to heart, and haven't worked on the Holidays since. And when I hear of a Jew doing that, even though I have zero right to judge, I wince a little. Again -- something is stirring... D2 is due home later tonight, and we have takeout planned from Lots of Lox to greet her. D1 and her boyfriend Joel are coming, as are D1's dear friend Alyssa and her boyfriend Freddie. Alyssa's parents decided not to host a RH dinner this year. Freddie bought me a bottle of L'Chaim vodka a few months back, when we hosted a get together for our Brit friends. I figure tonight is a good night to crack it open. We used to host the whole family for Jewish new Year. Many years my sister Sue was here with her boys, and my Florida sister Trudy brought her whole family. I always sensed that would end with the passing of my Mom, and it has. No one seems to have the wherewithal to host holiday parties any more. Last year, we met at the nursing home for RH. Trudy brought a great chicken soup, and we sat in the gazebo. My in laws were there. Now Moom's gone, and my father in law is in the nursing home. My mother in law only travels, once a week, to see him. She celebrated RH with him yesterday, at the home. I guess the only constant is change. And I wish I was a believer, I really do. I'd be in services right now, connecting with the Big Man, and getting wisdom I would just KNOW was correct --about how to lead my life. As it is, I freelance. I WILL go to the water, and toss my sins in, and ask for forgiveness. I used to do it in my little pond, but then realized the sins of a lawyer are too big -- the toxicity might kill the fish. So I make my way to the sea... And I might still go to Kol Nidre, next Friday night. It's Yom Kippur Eve, and I've always enjoyed the creepy music that is chanted during the service. It's a great intorduction when, tradition says, we're most like spirits, and least like humans. That's why we're supposed to fast, and abstain from other activities of the flesh. Regardless, we'll dip some apples in honey tonight, in our small number, and wish each other a healthy and sweet new year. And I'll feel at least a little uneasy, with that stirring...