Manipulated Money Across the Generations

Since lately our home life is consumed with issues of elder care, and has been, really, for the past 6 or 7 years, it was only fitting that an old friend of Wifey's called me for advice.  She is one of three siblings, two of whom moved away from Miami years ago and had little to do with the family.  The Dad recently died, and Wifey's friend, who I'll call Shelley, even though it is NOT her name, was in charge.

Dad had a trust, and made it clear: his residence would be sold and the proceeds split three ways.  All of his other assets would go only to Shelley.  Seems clear.  Ha. As if!  The two estranged siblings called Shelley -- it was cruel and mean of her to keep all the rest of the money, even though it was Dad's wish.  They've threatened to sue.  Shelley called me for advice about a lawyer, other than the fellow who was already the Dad's trustee.  I 'm reluctant to refer folks anymore -- all down side, and no up side for me, but I gave her several names.  She chose one, met with him, and liked him, but then the Miami shuffle ensued.  The banker said, yeah, he heard of the guy, but was he really the one for the job?  So Shelley asked me, and I said I wouldn't guarantee anything, but I had referred the fellow some probate work, and he seemed competent.  She may stay with him, or not.  Part of me hopes "or not," lest I be blamed if things go bad, even though it seems a pretty clear matter.

It's so much easier when there's little or no money.  Actually, it's not.  Probably 10 years before she died, my Mom owned her condo and had maybe $100K in savings.  One of her fellow condo know it alls convinced her to change her will -- leave the condo to us, her 3 kids, and the rest to the grandkids.  Mom was insistent.  So I took her to a lawyer, and I paid the guy probably $4K to draw up new papers -- following Mom's wishes.

As it turned out, the money had dwindled, she owed the IRS a chunk for closing out her IRA, and she went into Miami Jewish with about $70K.  My friend Steve, now retired, drew up new papers -- the money into a Special Needs Trust, to get Mom on Medicaid, and the condo to a Lady Bird Deed, which conveyed the condo to her three kids upon her death, away from Medicaid's prying hands.

At her death, the Trust took all, to pay back the liens, and all that was left was the condo, which my sister sold.  We each got less than $15K.  I gave my Ds my share, to symbolically honor Mom's wishes.  And there was nothing left to even argue about.

Wifey is an only child, and her Mom is ABOUT to become broke -- pre paying all of her savings to the Palace for ALF care, and then going onto Medicaid, as well.  In fact, Wifey is going to the bank today, to accomplish that goal.

Even simple instructions can get ugly.  Steve, a probate lawyer in Boca, who handles some stuff for us, was in Miami recently, to show his daughter UM Law.  We were trading tales, and he told me about a rich client he had, with 2 sons.  Each was grown, with young adult kids.  Dad left half his money, about $1M, to son A, with whom he was close, and the other half to Son B's kids. Seemed simple enough.

But Son B called in HIS kids, now $1M richer, and told them if they didn't give him half the money, he would cut them off forever.  They relented -- they loved their Dad, jerk that he was, and gave up grandpa's gift to them.  So Son B got his Dad's money anyway, or some of it, despite Grandpa's wishes.

Meanwhile, we had some good news: our realtor Joyce got us a signed contract on the condo -- exactly one week after we listed it with her.  And she's happy -- the buyer is Jack , the upstairs neighbor, so Joyce keeps the whole commission.  She turned out to be the opposite of realtor Mark, who sold our Pembroke Pines condo -- but just as the listing was about to expire.  Joyce and Mark are both near or at 70 -- Mark needs to quit; Joyce is going strong.

So the clean out continues.  Wifey is going through each photo album and envelope of cards and letters.  She knows if she left it to me I'd clean out the whole place with about 10 quick trips to the dumpster.  Still, we're nearly done -- gave away most of the furniture to my suegra's former aide, and our housekeeper Miriam.  There's one huge leather sectional -- a couch of family lore.  It's comically comfortable -- you can't sit on it after a meal and not nod off.  So Wifey is taking it -- to put into a spare room upstairs, even though it will have to be crammed it.

And the final piece, a dining room break front, needs to go, too.  My in laws bought it in the early 60s -- the first nice piece of furniture they bought as Americans.  Wifey is trying to get it to a consignment store -- maybe the proceeds will pay for a few nice dinners, where we can toast the past and future.

At least we won't have to worry about any problems like Shelley has.