The Doggy Dog World of Negotiation

My American Lit professor at the U, an affable fellow named Guttenberg (no relation to the bible guy) used to share his favorite list of malaprops from exam answers, and his favorite was one student (probably a football player's) description of Naturalism: it's a doggy dog world out there... And so it is, in the realm of real estate negotiation. I thought we had a contract all signed and ready to go with a friendly Weston lawyer, on behalf of his clients, and in opposition to our broker, who was pushing a different deal that would have paid the broker a more then double commission. The signed contract came in yesterday, there was an inspection, and a closing before September 1. This damn condo has always been a burr under my saddle -- I was manipulated into buying it, and each visit reminded me of that. Part of the reason was my mother in law wanting a view "of de vater," and our visits there always showed the storm shutters on the screen porch rolled down -- her tacit admission to me that all of her whining and guilt throwing really had nothing to do with the view, and everything with her need to keep up with the Rabinowitzes... So I really, really look forward to being rid of this place... So then last night I got an email from the lawyer. His clients went to do an inspection, and it turned up the fact that there were loose tiles, which were no longer replaceable (of course not -- when's the last time anyone installed 12 x 12 white tiles other than in a bathroom) -- and so the buyers wanted $7000 credit. The lawyer said he proposed splitting it with me -- take $3500 off, and the deal would go through. I immediately emailed him and said, in my pleasant, skillfully passive-aggressive way, that there were no hard feelings, let's just cancel the deal immediately, and I would make my broker VERY happy by going with the other buyers, and though I preferred the cash deal of the present offer, I would ultimately net more. And, I puffed, the other buyers were putting down a new hardwood floor, so tiles weren't a concern. OK, I admit it. I LOVE the Godfather movies, and I just rewatched II last weekend -- probably for the 20th time. I was channeling Michael Corleone's response to the corrupt senator's demand for an inflated fee for a casino license and future skim. "Senator -- you can have my response now. My offer is nothing." That was MY response to the request for a $3500 reduction -- nothing. The lawyer's response came back in 5 minutes. He channeled Emily Litella from SNL, and said, essentially, "Never mind." So it appears the deal is on. But it brings home that negotiation is not for sissies. My law partner Paul is the Lebron James of negotiation. Just yesterday, a young attorney asked my advice about how to handle a negotiation on one of his cases -- I told him to hire Paul. The young lawyer declined. He wants to keep all his fee. He's making a huge mistake. He has zero experience in civil law, and is attempting to work out a 6 figure settlement with the Claims Manager of a Fortune 500 company. He'll end up toast. Well, at least my condo on the vater may be soon an annoying memory. And I don't blame the other lawyer -- as my old boss Ed used to say, after making outrageous demands on defense counsel -- it never hurts to ask...