Sleazy Professions

Throughout my 30 years as a member of the Bar, I've heard more than my share of anti-lawyer jokes, comments, feelings, etc...I've told more than my share of lawyer jokes, since the majority of lawyers are worthy of this opprobrium. By the way, that last word is one that you have to know to take the LSAT to get into law school. Over the years, bankers have joined the pantheon of negativity...seen in the past as boring, gray suited necessary folks, and post recession as agents of greed and corruption. When Florida Democrats ran a candidate against the despicable Rick Scott, they came up, lamely, with Alex Sink, and the Scott people lasered in on her banking career, to show she was someone all about Wall Street who couldn't be trusted. Lately, it appears, real estate brokers have joined this sad group. With internet sites like Zillow and Redfin, they are less and less useful, and the public sees them as charging large fees for doing little that's worthwhile. Typically, I'm behind the curve in learning trends, and so in February, when Wifey and I decided to sell the condo we own in Pembroke Pines, rather than act like we live in the 21st century and list the unit ourselves, we marched into the real estate office where we last visited when we bought the place in 2000. We retained a fellow I'll call Mark, since that's his name, and agreed, like schlomozels, to pay a commission of 7% rather than the formerly standard 6% (I've since learned few pay more than 3% anymore) to get the unit sold quickly. Ha. As if. Mark did little for the first 4 months, although in his defense, my less than lovely suegra was living there, and made showing the unit a bit troublesome. But we moved the old woman out in April, and painted and cleaned the unit, and Mark didn't exactly hop to it. Until July, when less than a month remained on his listing. All of a sudden there were TWO solid offers to buy. The first, by a lawyer/broker, was for $155K cash. The second was for $160K, but required a mortgage, which the buyers apparently secured. Mark agreed to cut his fee to 6% for the cash deal, but insisted on keeping the full 7% on the financed one. He sent both contracts, but implied strongly we ought to, of course, take the higher one. We did not, and today signed the contract for the cash deal. Still, I read the other contract, and realized why the broker strongly tried to persuade us to take it. The entire 7 commission was to go to his agency, and the buyers agreed to an additional $600 "additional brokers fee!" So the net to him on the second deal would have been close to $12K, while on the cash deal, he's sharing his commission with the buyers' lawyer/broker, and will net "only" about $4800. The difference to Wifey and me is just over $1000. Cash deals are better anyway, as we all know, as once banks get involved, complications rain down like, well, rain. So hopefully, we'll have our check by September, I can cut off the monthly fees, cancel the homeowner's and appliance coverage, and get my pro rata refund for property taxes. The appliance coverage was such a ripoff, but needed while my elderly in laws lived in the unit. They weren't able to vet plumbers, a/c guys, etc... and though the appliance warranty people got far more in payments than they ever paid out, the peace of mind was worth it. So there ought to be a check coming in -- the better to spend it on care and feeding of my mother in law, who has her sights on a $4000 per month ALF in North Broward. As my Mom always said, coins are round -- money rolls in; money rolls out. Or, as the Ds call it, beans... Now I need to develop some real estate broker jokes...