So since I attended a 25 person indoor event on Sunday, I decided to get Covid tested Wednesday. I did the same last July -- after Paul's wedding came at a bit of a surge time -- and the results were negative. I didn't feel any symptoms, but scheduled anyway, figuring we had some guests coming after Christmas and I wanted to be sure.
My appointment at the Pinecrest drive through was at 9, and there were already 6 cars in front of me when I arrived at 845. I almost aborted the mission and headed to LOL, but I was there -- what the hell? The line moved, and the tech stuck two swabs in my nose -- the shallow poke for the rapid test, and the DEEP one for the PCR. I swear it tickled my brain.
I headed to Brickell, and caught up with Carla, Amanda, and Josh. Amanda said she had a recent scare -- her boyfriend was at a party where there were positive guests -- but she was negative. After a few hours I left -- wishing all a Merry Christmas -- and headed to Broward before a meeting about a wedding ceremony I was to perform January 2. I met my nephew of another mister Josh -- at his hangout, a "breastaraunt" called Twin Peaks. Get it?
We sat outside and talked a lot about Covid. His brother Scott had arrived from DC and a positive girlfriend -- and hadn't taken off his mask since he arrived. Josh had been to a big football party Sunday -- but outside -- and he is VERY careful about infecting his parents.
As I finished my burger, I got an email from the testing site. The rapid test was POSITIVE. What? Josh was cool, but I knew it had set off a panic in him. He is obsessed with health issues -- particularly Covid. Of all the people I could have been with when I learned I was Typhoid Dave -- he was the second worst. His brother Scott would have been the worst. I left a $100 bill and walked to my car -- beginning a series of phone calls to people warning them of my status.
Oh boy. The Ds and their men immediately set about finding testing appointments -- which have become scarce with this huge omicron surge. Luckily no one attacked D1 for having the Sunday get together -- it turned out there were other possible vectors -- Jonathan's family had a get together Sunday as well -- outside -- but the daughter of his uncle had later tested positive. And Jonathan had been at an office holiday party Friday -- outside as well, but still...
Hell. I was at my gym -- working out maskless. It seems these days EVERYONE is positive or knows someone who is.
I drove home, and D2 and Jonathan scrambled to find testing appointments. They succeeded -- as well as scoring one for Wifey, who would have found doing it too daunting. D1 and the grandson got testing appointments for today as well. The Covid/industrial complex was in full swing.
I kept my mask on, but we realized it was absurd. If I was infected, so were Wifey, D2, and Jonathan. So we decided to begin medical treatment -- cocktails. I poured a few Absoluts and tonics in the shaker -- the quinine in the tonic would work. Jonathan had tequila, and then he and D2 polished off a nice bottle of Cab I had received as a holiday gift.
Wifey watched TV and I retired to my firepit -- feeding the flames the statements of failed investments from decades ago.
I went to sleep, and awoke at 12:30. It was 12/23 -- Festivus. An email had come in from the testing service -- the PCR test was NEGATIVE.
Of course, since the PCR is run by a lab, and the rapid not -- the PCR is considered the accurate one. I had dodged Covid -- at least for now.
I texted my contacts. A burden had lifted. The absurdity of our current state of affairs with the plague was clearly evident.
So -- I guess today we'll figure out whether we want to reschedule our canceled events -- Wifey's birthday lunch at the Faena on the Beach, and our NYE dinner in South Miami. Part of me is saying nah -- just lay low until the surge passes again -- probably February or March. We'll see.
But the Festivus Miracle visited our house. D2 said she has MANY grievances to air this year -- and we didn't get the Festivus pole. But the spirit of silliness, sarcasm, and comedy associated with that ersatz holiday is indeed upon us.
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