Open Letter to the Chair of our Public Hospital/ President of our flagship university

Dear Sir and Madam:

Through television media reports (and NOT, suspiciously through any coverage through the Miami Herald), I have become aware that your hospital and university medical school has been providing treatment for the past month to a brain dead patient. Good for you! Finally, a leading medical school and hospital have taken the lead in ending what has gone on for too long in American health care: discrimination against the living challenged.

I hereby offer to make the initial contribution to the newly created Brain Dead Treatment Center (BDTC). The BDTC, however, must agree to provide sustaining care to ALL brain dead patients, regardless of the degree of death. There can be no limits, for example, on how long a patient has been brain dead.

As for naming the center, well, I humbly suggest naming this cutting edge facility after an actual DEAD PERSON. This is typically done for "live care" facilities, and it seems appropriate here. If no suitable name is found, the trustees can simply visit Mt. Sinai Hospital and chose a name from the hallowed "Hall of the Ashkenazim," or possibly Mercy Hospital's "List of the Lapsed Catholics Who Gave Money." If neither of these provide a suitable title, one can be found in Miami Childrens Hospital's "Wall of Really Rich Latin American Donors, Some of Whom are Even Deposed Banana Republic Dictators." In any event, I'm confident the Development people can take an afternoon away from planning bland lunches to accomplish this task.

Staffing. I realize that many clinicians, especially those with academic institution-sized egos, will resist caring for dead patients. Still, your center is bursting with "dead wood" professors of medicine, who have been kept around FAR past their usefulness, and whose interraction with actual live patients presents a source of potential legal liability to your institutions. I would name some of these clinicians, but my best friend wants to keep his job at least until his kids can use the tuition remission plan, so I will refrain.

You simply must convince some of these "dead wood" faculty that caring for patients at the BDTC will be a keystone in their esteemed careers. Plus --they can be the first to apply for NIH grants in this newly developed specialty. And, since this will be the first BDTC in America, faculty and staff can be assured of a number ONE ranking in next year's US News and World Report ranking of America's Best Hospitals and Medical Schools (tm).

In sum, I know you share my enthusiasm in the creation of the BDTC. This idea is dead on, a dead away winner. Together we can correct a long held prejudice, and keep going long after traditional medical practice says we should stop.

Warmly,

Dave