Geez --Shoot Me Now

This morning I told wifey to please point it out to me if I say delusional things, or make proclamations. It occurs to me that proclamations rarely stand the test of time, and the proclaimer ends up looking foolish.

In 1994, after going through the rebuilding of a house destroyed by Hurricane Andrew, I proclaimed to all that I was NEVER moving again. In fact, I ljoked, our general contractor had forgotten one final task: digging a hole in the back yard for my grave, since I wasn't even moving AFTER I died.

Of course, six years later I fell in love with Villa Wifey, the only house I had ever seen that I dreamt about after my first visit, and a few months later we upped and moved to Beverly. Crest, that is.

Anyway, one of the problems of getting older, and maybe a tad wiser, is that I listen more carefully to people than I used to. And, I'm hearing a LOT of proclamations, said in complete seriousness, and earnestness, which, a few months later, turn out to be utter balderdash.

I have a client with an adult son who has NEVER held a job longer than six months. Last week, the client told me how the son had found THE career, and was going to make big money, and move from barely making it to "flyin' first class," as Gwen Stefani sings. Now, I realize that much of what he says about his son is wishful thinking, but would I bet that the job's going to be over in the next 5 months, accompanied by stories of how ALL of his co workers were jerks/prejudiced/ mean, etc... Yes I would.

Lawyers in particular make LOTS of proclamations, and not just about their cases. We're taught to speak and argue effectively and aggressively, and often we do so even when we KNOW we're full of it.

My favorite are lawyers who always complain about others being full of crap, and yet they're bigger B.S. artists than ANYONE.

I don't know. I ADORE daughters #1 and #2, and think they're the cats' meow, but I like to think I see all of their foibles and flaws, and never speak of them to others in elevated terms. In fact, they complain to me sometimes about making too much fun of them to others.

I probably do, and it's because I love them more then life itself. I don't think true love is blind --I think it brings clarity.

So, I'm a graying, overweight 3/4 time lawyer, often more lazy than I ought to be. I could be far more productive than I am, and far more charitable. I ought to lose the weight, eat better, get in shape. My skin's starting to look like I spent my career as a boat captain instead of an inside desk jockey. I dress poorly. And --chicks STILL dig me!

So, wifey --when I'm out with others, and I make daughters' good grades sound like they've won Rhodes Scholarships, kick me under the table. When I say something with absolute confidence and certainty --a proclamation --remind me I'm full of crap. Hopefully it'll be funny crap.