Some Guys Have All The Luck

 So I have a second cousin named Gavin, and he found me on FaceBook (tm). He's a nice fellow, I think in his mid 50s. His mother Arlyne was the oldest of the first cousins on my Mom's side (I'm the youngest). She died a few years back, after a very tough life beset with serious mental illness.

But Gavin graduated college and joined the Army, and retired, best I can tell, as a full colonel. He married later on, and has 2 teens -- he lives near Boston. I attended his son's Bar Mitzvah on Zoom during the early days of the pandemic. And lately, Gavin's been posting from Aruba, where he's on a family trip.

Someone asked him if he made the itinerary using military services. No, he replied, his in laws booked and paid for the entire trip! Wow. What a concept.

My father in law, may he rest in peace, last paid a tab for us the year before I graduated law school. I would always pay, of course, but he never even made a feeble attempt to pick up a check. He had a son in law who was a big shot lawyer, and that was that.

Wifey paid for several big trips for them, including two visits to Poland to see their childhood homes. It was a sort of March of the Living done privately, without the happy Israel part. Also, when my in laws (specifically my mother in law) decided she needed to move condos within Century Village, to have a place on a fake lake, we had to buy the unit so they could be "on the vater."

Paid trip to Aruba? Ha. I mentioned this to Wifey, and she said "Well, you always pay for the Ds and their husbands -- so there IS in law paying!" Yes -- but I was talking about being the payee, not the payor!

Also on FaceBook is another lucky son of a bitch, who I'll call Craig, since that's his name. Craig is an old friend who has a law practice, and was never particularly successful. And yet, he always had an air of elegance about him that belied his economic station -- dressed nattily, and spoke like a country club member.

He divorced his second wife, the baby mama, and settled into a nice middle class life with a condo in West Kendall. He never killed himself at work. And then, his FaceBook photos changed from Disney to Paris. Literally -- his trips moved very upscale. Hmmm... had he finally hit it big? He had, but not at his law firm -- with a girlfriend.

He started dating a VERY rich divorcee -- her husband founded a major company here in town. She's loaded. And Craig seems to happily moved up in that regard.

Wow. I never had a woman take ME to Paris. Some guys have all the luck.

It's ok. I inherited the idea that men are to be noble mules from my Dad. He always picked up the tabs at dinner. In fact, a running joke was when we were out with my sister and brother in law. My much younger than my Dad bro in law would ask for the check. The server would often look surprised -- traditionally the oldest man grabs it. My brother in law, a CPA, would then audit the charges, hand it to my Dad, and say "Yes -- it's correct, Dad. Thanks." It always drew laughs.

So no in law paid trips to the Caribbean for me, nor trips to Paris paid by a rich girlfriend. And when my sons in law TRY to pay, I always remind them of the great scene from the Sopranos, when Meadow's boyfriend Finn secretly pays for dinner, to thank Tony for his generosity. Tony goes nuts, and throws Finn against a wall, saying "This is MY family. I pay! Someday you get your own family, you can pay!" Poor Finn slinks away, apologizing for what he thought was a proper gesture.

The Ds men and I enjoy retelling the tale at dinner. They know it's my pleasure to treat my family. But I can still joke about longing to be a gigolo, can't I?