One of My Favorite Holidays

 Most people stop "celebrating" April Fool's Day in junior high, though some fellow frustrated comedians and wisacres continue through college and beyond -- pulling off fake news stories and other pranks. I am one of those wiseacres.

I love pranking people, generally in a non-cruel way, and so have embraced April Fool's Day into the beginning of my now seventh decade on this planet.

Some years I stuck to leaving friends messages to call "Mr. Fox" or "Mr. Wolf" with the phone number for then named MetroZoo. Most years I'd tell people that Wifey was pregnant -- not exactly sure that was a reliable laugh getter -- but as Wifey approached Medicare age, that white lie lost traction.

D2 was the victim of one of my bouts of silliness. When she was in first grade, she had a friend named Amelia, who was adorable and small. I told D2 that overnight, Amelia was in excellent health, but had shrunk to one foot tall. D2 was to treat her friend as if nothing strange happened, but she might have to carry her around Leewood Elementary in her back pack that day -- before Amelia "grew back." D2 got the joke when we picked up Amelia at her house for car pool, and learned at that early age that she had an eccentric father. I like to think that builds character in a woman.

In 1992, friends Pete and Gene had referred us a great case -- back when rental care cases were big deals. Their secretary's boyfriend, a handsome Kiwi working for a Latin American company, was seriously hurt by a drunk in a rental. Thankfully, he recovered fully, and became one of my few former clients who became friends. But there was a substantial settlement offer, and the case was near conclusion, and Pete actually went out and leased a Benz based on the financial windfall due him within weeks.

He called to report on that, and I told him that the defense lawyer got surveillance of our client running a marathon, and skydiving. The injuries were faked -- there was no offer. Silence on the phone, and my stunned friend hung up. I'm mean, but not cruel, so I only let things go on for a half hour or so before I called him to remind him about this awful news on the first of April...He laughed while cursing me heartily. It was one of my signature AFD moments.

FaceBook (tm) has made things easier and harder. You'd think anyone who knew me would know not to believe ANYTHING I posted on AFD. You'd be wrong.

Today I posted that Pitbull's manager knocked on our door and said that PitBull fell in love with our house -- he insisted on having it, and offered us $6M. Even in crazy real estate market times, $6M for our house is absurd -- and so I posted we had no choice -- we were to be out of the house in 10 days. And I'd be telling our neighbors at Monday's HOA meeting to expect visitors like DJ Khaled and Rick Ross and Fitty, instead of the usual parade of boring doctors, lawyers, and finance nerds who typically visit us.

Well -- most got it right away. A few friends, even VERY smart ones, believed me. But one neighbor, who I'll call Roberta, since that's her name, started texting and calling me -- repeatedly. She was near apoplectic -- she and her wife LOVE the soporific nature of our 'hood and were freaked that someone as wild as Mr. 305/Worldwide might be moving in (forgetting that if my lie was truth, her value would skyrocket).

Roberta, though a lawyer who ought to be skeptical, previously believed me when I posted a photo of plastic flamingos that were orange and black for Halloween, stating that they were bred that way for ornamentation. She was outraged and ready to call PETA because of this exploitation. So I guess I should have seen it coming. But she's a B and T New Yorker, for Pete's sake! Really?

Again, mean won over cruelty, and I actually returned her call on some kind of FaceBook messenger voice thing I had never before used. I told her not to worry -- neither she nor her wife would be called upon to do any twerking on SW 66 Avenue.

I think she may hate me now.

So -- another successful AFD is in the books. I can't wait to teach this to my grandson. He's smart -- I can tell he'll be an able pupil. Maybe we'll start off simple -- with some rubber snakes we tell his Mom are real...

There's no fool like an April Fool, I always say.