Cousin Week

 I'm not close to my cousins, and it's a bit sad. FaceBook (tm) has allowed me to keep tabs on some of them, and that's mostly the extent of our connection.

Growing up, I was pretty close to the cousins on my Mom's side of the family. One, Michael, was 5 years older than I, and was a mentor to me from adolescence on -- he was the cool cousin, with the conversion van, and great taste in music. His sister Janet was just a year older than I -- we were the youngest first cousins. They'd throw great parties at their house up in Spring Valley, when my Aunt Lorraine and Uncle Abe were out of town, and I attended several. Some fun times.

Wifey and I invited all of my first cousins to our wedding. The following year, I decided to try to resuscitate the "Cousins Circle" my mother always had. Wifey and I invited about 15 of the cousins, who were all living in South Florida, to our house. They all accepted. Wifey and I bought a few hundred dollars worth of food, a big expense to us at the time, and stocked the bar. At the time of the party, only my cousin Jeff and his wife Lynn showed up. I started calling around, fearing that maybe an entire generation of Goldsmith cousins had been wiped out in some fiery crash on the Turnpike. No -- to the person, they had just blown it off -- each busy with other things that night.

Jeff and I drank a lot of the Absolut, and the four of us had a nice time, but that was my last effort at trying to be the cruise director for a cousin get together. By the time the Ds got married, we invited none of the cousins -- so much time with so little contact had gone by. The parties were filled with Columbian and later Venezuelan cousins from my sons in law. Their families were different.

But this week there was contact -- with two of my primos, Barry and Steven. Barry is my Aunt Dottie's son, now 67 and recently widowed from his beloved English wife Jackie. He called me about a simple legal question -- a fender bender involving a golf cart - but we talked for over an hour. Actually, he did most of the talking -- he's quite the raconteur. 

He told me about the final days of his beloved wife -- she developed Alzheimers Disease in her mid 60s, poor thing. Thankfully, his son and new daughter in law live close by -- they bring him great joy.

Barry told me that he always admired the relationship I had with my father. His Dad, Arthur, a fellow WWII vet, was a good man but not giving with affection. Also, he owned a business and dealt with the mental health issues of my Aunt and Barry's older sister Arlene, now dead. Barry said he always decided that if he had a son, he would be best friends with him, like my Dad and I were. And it worked out that way.

He told me that for the first time in his life, he has no responsibilities to anyone but himself. He's retired, and his son and daughter in law are very independent. When the plague leaves, he plans to get in his car and drive -- visiting casinos all the way to Vegas - and then driving to see his sister in Oregon. Ride on, Barry!

The other call came from Steven, my father's sister's son. He's the polar opposite of the outgoing Barry. Steven is a lifelong bachelor -- living in the Jackson Heights co-op where he was brought home as a baby. He's nearing 70, too.

He's a loner type, and just wants to live his life in peace. Alas, the building is changing, and new neighbors seem out to annoy him -- accusing the very quiet man of playing his TV too loud and moving around furniture.

He's dealing now with the things threatening his quiet life. I gave him some suggestions, but complying with the requests of the new persnickety neighbors will require he spend a bit of money. That is not something he easily does. I wish him peace. I wish him well in the only home he has ever known.

My Ds have 4 first cousins. Two are completely out of their lives. Another has battled major issues of mental illness and drug abuse, and seems back on track. One of the four has contact with the Ds, but lives in California, so the contact is limited. I guess it's just the way life worked out.

My friend Jeff has a comically large cousin presence in his life. Whenever we talk, he tells me about one or the other. I'm not sure I'd prefer that, either.

Our grandson has one first cousin -- a lovely little girl who lives just blocks away. I'm guessing they'll grow up very close -- in the way my son in law Joey is close to his cousins, too. At the one year old birthday party I was looking into the future, as I watched the baby and toddler.

Several months ago, I called my cousin Jeff, who lives in Lauderdale. We talked for quite awhile. He battled and beat leukemia, the disease that took his mother before she turned 70. His daughter is soaring -- a girl who always wanted to be a doctor, and fought hard, and won. She's a GI doc in Broward, married to a cardiologist. They have lovely young daughters.

Jeff's sons are doing well, too. The youngest, who also had some mental health issues (it runs deep in our family) surprised him with a wildly successful business -- a pizza place that has become quite the spot in Lauderdale. Jeff was thrilled talking about it.

Jeff and Barry and I all made plans to get together after the virus eases. I'm not sure we will, but I would enjoy it -- sharing tales of our colorful but deeply flawed shared genetics.

In the mean time, I wish all of them well.