It used to be that banking was a respected profession. I remember well visiting local banks with my father on LI, and later Delray Beach, and there was an air of respect around the places. They really used to appreciate your business, too -- if you opened a CD with $5K or so, you might get a color TV. Boy have times changed.
When I started making money in the early 90s, I was introduced to the world of "private banking." You had a certain balance, and supposedly got great service, and perks. Our firm scored great Dolphins tickets each year -- SunTrust would give us their 50 yard line seats -- 4 of them. We'd pick the Jets game, and Paul and I would host Dr. Barry and Rabbi Yossi, big Jets fans, and we'd have a great night or afternoon.
Once, I had to park a nice sum, and joked with my banker Michael P that he should at least give me a toaster, as they did in years past. Damned if the next day he didn't show up in my office with one, a new fangled model that had wide slots for bagels. Wifey and I had it for years.
Well, several years ago, when D2 was getting ready to move to NYC, we went to our local Chase branch, to open accounts. Chase was all over the City, and we figured when I needed to transfer money to her it made sense to have access here to a bank she could easily use up North. When the officer learned we had a few shekels, he brought in the "wealth management consultant." and asked us to let Chase manage some of our assets.
I liked the young woman, Natalia, and agreed. We opened savings and checking, too, and Wifey ended up using the accounts for her business -- auto deduct from a household credit card, FPL payment, etc.
After 6 months, I realized Chase's financial wizards weren't doing well. Also, I was leaving my relationship with Victoria, my long time Merrill Lynch broker. So I moved assets to Merrill Edge, and closed out the Chase managed account. But, I told Natalia, I had a deal: if she used D1's company for health seminars, I would bring my business back. She was all excited -- they put on programs for their clients all the time, and D1's seminars were right up their alley. But alas, it never came to pass, and I just kept using the accounts for regular banking.
Last week came a call. Chase had changed their rules -- to stay as a "private client," I needed to have $150K of money with them. That was a bit steep for checking and savings account that paid far below 1% interest. But my new "relationship banker," Ed, asked if I would come to the branch and meet again with him and Natalia -- maybe something could be worked out. I said I wasn't visiting banks during Covid, but would happily Zoom with them. They set it up for yesterday.
So, at 4, there was Natalia, and she gave me the pitch she gives everyone -- I should let them manage money and assets -- I would be given privy to Chase's "special information" that would make me more money than I was making now -- even though I have a financial advisor who actually takes the time to research companies.
I listened politely, and then engaged Natalia in a little pleasant interview -- asking about her thoughts on the future economy both assuming we beat Covid, and assuming we don't. It soon became clear that I knew far more than she did about investing. I would hire myself far quicker than I'd trust her to make financial decisions -- I laughed privately at myself for ever thinking she knew any more than how to sell potential clients.
I reminded her of my offer -- hire D1, and I would move some money back to Chase -- not to manage, for a fee, but to direct in their equivalent of Merrill Edge. She said that things like nutrition were ESSENTIAL for people these days, but it soon became clear she had no power to put on programs like that -- she was a lower level salesperson, trying to get folks with some money aboard -- nothing more.
I told Ed I guess I'd have to close the account, rather than pay $35 per month for the privilege of paying FPL and a credit card through them. Oh no, he said, I could switch to a regular, non "private" account, and have no fees. We agreed it was best that I admit that, to Chase, I was no longer private banking material.
Oh well -- classic First World problems. But it just goes to show how so many professions, that used to be prestigious, really aren't, anymore.
Maybe I'll call Carol, my private banker at Iberia, and ask for a new microwave. The one we have is over 15 years old.
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