Complimentary

So I was checking out FaceBook last night, and came across a post from an old college and law school friend.  I'll call her Stacy, since that's her name.  She was always pretty, but exceptionally vain as well, and she still tries to look 25, though she's 55.

She's had lots of "work" done -- my alert friend and expert diagnostician Dr. Eric noticed that the formerly flat chested Stacy now boasts Playboy -sized bosoms...And if the Botox she's taken in ever escapes her body, it may require a hazmat team...But this is not what I noticed...

All of her women friends, and a few male ones, comment all the time that she looks "beautiful" and "gorgeous" and "sexy."

The only description of any of my photos, from an old law school friend Harlan (who has become bitter, by the way, since his wife left him and he's pretty broke) was that I have become old and fat.  And he's absolutely correct!  Inside, I think I look the way I did in a photo D2 recently sent me.  A friend was at an event where all the U's yearbooks were kept, and she found my senior picture, taken in 1982.  It shows a dark haired, smiling, thin guy of 21.

In photos today, the hair is all gray, and there are an additional 50 lbs or so...

Harlan's photos show him to be thin, since he's one of the earliest vegetarians I know -- but also REALLY old.  And, as I mentioned, broke-ass...

Clearly, it's just the nature of guys.  To each other, we tell it like it is.  To women, those of us who prefer not to sleep alone, can NEVER tell it like it is...

Wifey and I saw Barbra Streisand the other night.  She's in her mid 70s.  I noticed that she's grown unmistakably zaftig.  And I thought -- good for her.  The woman has had #1 records in 6 decades, become a major force in Hollywood as well as Democratic politics, and has a movie star husband, following flings with much younger guys.  She deserves to enjoy those gourmet corned beef sandwiches, as she clearly does...

I don't suffer from a lack of self esteem.  I'm gray and fat, but I also have a nice schmaltz pot, as my friend Jim pointed out.  And I'm charming and funny.  And I have the enduring (nearly 30 years) love of Wifey.

If Wifey left me, I WOULD , of course, have to lose the weight, and maybe even ditch the gray hair.  I'd also be half as rich as I am now, so that would weigh down my attractiveness...

Nah.  I prefer the status quo, and will continue to comment to my female FaceBook (tm) friends how marvelous they look.  And, being a nice guy, I'll refrain from telling the truth about my old and fat and gray male friends...