Caring for the Elderly

My FaceBook (tm) Karen posted yesterday, about how one of her proudest accomplishments was caring for her father and her in laws before they died. Her mother had died early, in her 60s. I dig Karen, who is one of those people who was 40 years old when the rest of us were 12 -- large, smiling, wise, and always a mentsch. We were friendly from kindergarten through high school, and saw each other at the 10 and 20 year reunions, but lost touch, until we were brought together by social media. Wifey is convinced she has a huge crush on me, and always has. I don't think so -- she's been married for 25 years to what appears to be an accomplished fellow, and though they have no kids, seem to enjoy a great life together -- traveling the world, always fixing up their LI home, caring for large dogs, etc...Karen friended Wifey, too, and now responds to Wifey's posts like they're old friends, too. But the point is, I really dig Karen and what she did. As we concluded on FaceBook (tm), caring for parents is a Top 5 Commandment! We saw my Mom to the end. Last week it was the three year anniversary of her death, April 27. Wifey and I drove to Matheson Hammock, where we spread her ashes. It was a lovely late afternoon. It was low tide, and two women, who might have been Mom and one of her sisters in the 1950s, walked together way out into Biscayne Bay. They chatted so happily with each other -- their voices carried the distance to where Wifey and I stood. We spoke at length to Mom, telling her all about our girls, and news of her entire family -- some of which, we blackly joked, would have killed her if she wasn't already dead. Wifey knew she was with her beloved husband, my Dad Hy, and they were at a celestial beach, sitting on chairs, side by side, as they loved to do at Coney Island, Jones Beach, South Beach, and finally, Delray. After Mom it was my father in law Richard, a big, strong, strapping man robbed of all of that by Alzheimer's Disease. Still, Wifey became his case manager, saw to it that he was placed in a home and cared for, and visited frequently. At the same time, she slowly took over her very headstrong and stubborn mother's life...although my mother in law's focus was on her 60 plus year husband. When we buried Richard, we did it also knowing we had done our best for him, to the very end. And now we're left with one final parent -- my mother in law. Wifey has set her up in a beautifully furnished condo. She's arranged two separate drivers. This past weekend, we fetched her Friday night for a shabbos dinner we hosted for D1's boyfriend's family. Joey's mother, Jackie, sat next to Rachel. We tried to "rescue her" from the non stop stories, but Jackie had none of it. She truly enjoyed hearing about my mother in law's journey, from small town Poland, to the horror of the Shoah, to an unhappy time in Israel, and finally, happiness in the US with the greatest gift of her life: Wifey. To this day, despite their squabbles, my mother in law thinks her daughter is a smarter version of whatever most beautiful Hollywood actress you can name... In fact, in Jackie's thank you email, she said meeting Rachel was a life changing event for her. So what do you know... Yesterday, D2's boyfriend Jonathan's mother invited us to an event -- the screening of a documentary, "The Absence," that she had made 25 years ago. It turns out that Lizbeth is a leader in the field of Holocaust teaching. The Aventura Cultural Center was packed -- with "young" Survivors -- those who were children or teens during WW II, and educators including the Miami Dade Schools Superintendent, and the U Miami Dean of Education. The Survivors, including my mother in law, were invited on stage and recognized, and then the movie was shown. It was powerful. It was in Spanish, with English titles. We stayed through its intermission, when my mother in law started to fade, and we left. I pointed out to Wifey that she has given her mother an amazingly full life since moving her here -- all errands done, and social engagements several times per week. Unfortunately, the old woman isn't fully appreciative -- but her attempts at casting guilt "Just put me in a HOME someVERE and barely Wisit me!" are constant comic fodder for us. Last night, two neighbors came to our gate asking about a small dog they had found. One of them, a 40 something mom named Sabrina, remarked how lucky we were to be empty nesters --- she was right in the midst of her twins' school, dance practice, etc... while working full time as a lawyer. Wifey reminded her that after the empty nest time, or during it, you get to take care of elderly parents. Sabrina laughed and said she had her kids late -- she'd be visiting them at college during furloughs from her own nursing home, she said. It rarely works out that way. So our duty is 3/4 complete. I can't help but think that many of our life's blessings come out of a karmic thanks for what Wifey and I undertook. Who knows? With my mother in law...we'll just keep on keepin' on.