The House of Dark Shadows

So while many folks I know deal, blissfully, only with their own and their children's lives, Wifey and I get the triple whammy -- 3 elderly parents. Somehow I ended up the primary caregiver for my mother, and as Wifey is an only child, well, she is the whole show for her Holocaust Survivor folks. My father in law's Alzheimers is progressing. He recognizes us, but asks the same questions repeatedly. My mother in law is bound and determined to stay by his side nearly constantly -- she keeps saying how her post war training as a nurse gives her the ability -- but we know a caregiver who neglects herself can't go on. Yesterday, Wifey's back pain subsided enough for her to travel to Pembroke Pines to see her parents. I initially begged off -- visiting is no picnic, but then decided to put on my nice husband briefs and take her. An Av Med nurse arrived shortly after we did -- to begin the process of getting my father in law approved for some in home PT. She was a pleasant Jamaican American lady, who took an extensive history. She asked to see all the meds my father in law takes, and a huge assortment of bottles was laid before her. I joked that he must rattle as he walks. Clearly, these meds are the reason he's made it to nearly 87, even after a quadruple heart bypass operation. At the time of his surgery, in 1989, the surgeon said he hoped to give my father in law another "ten good years." That was nearly 23 years ago, and last year the surgeon passed away... After the evaluation, we took my mother in law to the on campus restaurant. It's in the Century Village clubhouse, and the crowd there is a mix of oldsters and budget conscious golfers who play the CV course -- I assume it's much cheaper than Emerald Hills to the east. We tried to talk my mother in law into hiring help -- so she can get out more. No, she said, she realized she'd "eventually" have to do that, but for now she was fine. She's not fine. Back at the condo, Wifey lay in bed next to her father and dozed while he spoke a monologue about how he was the top athlete in the DP camps in Germany, and later in Special Forces in the Israeli Defense Force. He was -- there are photos of him holding full grown men above his head like they were pillows. He lamented how his body had failed him -- "Vat can I do now?" He repeated, over and over, a refrain I first heard from my mother's mother in 1984, when I visited her in a West Palm nursing home: "David -- old age is no good." How does one respond to that? Wifey found a terrific aid -- a lady highly recommended by a downstairs neighbor. She was willing to drive my in laws, and assist them, but she lives about 30 minutes away, and needs to be guaranteed a certain number of hours to make it feasible for her. No -- my mother in law finds her too expensive. In her vanity, my mother in law insists on dying with some money to leave to the Ds... So instead, Wifey spends hours on the phone arranging rides from cheaper but ultimately unreliable drivers... I told her to put a stop to it -- start making firm decisions for her mother, failing which, she's on her own. I ultimately did that with MY mother as her stubbornness set in the final years of her living in her condo. The only certainty is that things will get worse. As the super old age, they always do. I just read that the film director Tony Scott jumped off a high bridge in LA yesterday. He was 68, and probably feeling the coming effects of age. One big splash, and sayonara. Can any right thinking person blame him?