People of WalMart

There are no close Walmarts to Villa Wifey. The nearest is about 10 miles away. We needed a replacement steam mop, as the "SharkSteam" model I bought 3 years ago stopped steaming, and we needed it to clean up the traces of dog vomit left by our ancient Lab. I was determined to buy a different brand, since the Shark was such a piece of crap. Ah, WalMart. I just got a "People of WalMart" email from an old friend in Clearwater, making fun of the obese and fashioned challenged shoppers. The funny thing to me is that of all my friends, the fellow who sent it, from Clearwater, shops more often at Wal Mart than any of my other friends! Anyway, I looked on the Consumers Reports web site, and determined that my next steam mop would be a Eureka model -- $79 at Target, $49 at Amazon or at Walmart. Wifey, a huge fan of online shopping, offered to order it from Amazon, promising we'd have it and be able to de vomit our floor by Tuesday. No -- I so seldom shop for anything, I wanted to do it the old fashioned way -- by going to a store, picking out what I wanted, and getting it right then and there. I pledged to go last night. But then, a severe case of couch potato-itis set in. I started watching "Hard Time" on National Geographic, about prison life in Georgia and Ohio, and before I knew it, 9 pm was here and it was time to transfer to my bed... So then I was up at 6 am, determined to get my mop. I had coffee and fired up the little girlie Lexus I now drive, cruising out of my 'hood, trying to keep the indicator on battery instead of engine... The Palmetto was blissfully empty. I drove to Coral Way, and headed West. The Walmart was just past 84th Avenue, in Westchester. I always heard my Cuban friends refer to We-chais-te, and wondered where that neighborhood was located. Ha! Silly gringo! It was there way of pronouncing Westchester -- a hood that used to be mostly Jewish, but now is about 150% working class Cuban. The shoppers of Wal Mart there were pretty nicely dressed, and ALL speaking Spanish. Wifey always talks about how living East of the Highway in South Dade, as we do, is sort of like living in a small slice of mostly English speakers in another land. It truly is -- and I realize how rarely I head to West Miami Dade... No Eureka! Only more of the crappy Shark steam models. But now I was a hunter in search of prey... I headed west on Coral Way, South on 117th Avenue, and got on the Turnpike to Kendall Drive, to the Westernmost part of Kendall. The WalMart there had a few gringos and gringas -- mostly shopping for back to school stuff. I made my way to the housewares section, and, still no Eureka! Only MORE of the damned Shark models. I decided that the Shark people had naked pictures of the Walton family... I called Wifey, and admitted I was a chastened man. She was right -- shopping online makes more sense. I took the opportunity to drive past our old haunts -- pre and post Hurrican Andrew, we lived in what is now "East Kendall." I passed our old house in 136 Terrace -- there was a sign from a roofing company our front. The tile roof we put in after Andrew is now 18 years old -- I guess time for replacement. Wifey is ordering the new steam mop. So much for my retail adventures. I'm going to stick to going to bars...