Cirrhosis and Heart Disease

So Wifey and the Ds and I arrived in New York for the wedding of the decade --Tracy and Jon's. We checked into the beautiful and elegant Battery Park Ritz Carlton, and met many fellow attendees.

The hotel was also hosting the Congressional Black Caucus as well as a Saudi Sheik (and some of his shiksas?), so there was an intersting mix of folks milling around the lobby. The first official wedding event was a rehearsal dinner at Sammy's Romanian Steakhouse, on the Lower East Side.

How much vodka did Barry and I consume? That's the critical question, which Barry's mathematical skills allowed him to answer the following late morning. The answer is about 1/2 liter each.

I drank so much, that the next morning at 9, when I lumbered up to the Club Floor to get my coffee, I was still probably twice the legal limit for DUI.

The reasons we drank so much were manifold. Sammy's is in a basement, and has been hosting Jewish celebrations since the 20s. The walls are covered completely with photos of parties from the years. I have zero doubt that those photos included some of my grandparents and aunts and uncles. So the spirit was right.

Each table has piles or rye bread, pickles, and bottles like the kind that hold maple syrup at IHOP. Wifey wondered why they served orange juise that way. It wasn't, of course --it was SCHMALTZ!!!!! Liquified chicken fat!

Apparently one young guest at another table made the same mistake as Wifey, and drank some. I'm told he turned a funny shade of green...

Anyway, the Russian JEwish DJ was blasting a mix of great tunes mixed with his edgy Borsht Belt humor.

The waiter arrived tableside with an enormous bowl of chopped liver. He poured in about a gallon of the schmaltz, added some onions, and served it. It was about the most delicious chopped liver I'd ever eaten. I felt my heart slowing as I ate it.

Next he brought fried kreplach --dumplings. They tasted like the elephant ears you get at a carnival, with veal. It may have been the vodka, but they were the most delicious things I'd ever eaten.

Next came stuffed cabbage, and chicken, and the grilled skirt steak. There were apparently rugelach so laden with butter that each one weighed about 1/2 pound, but I was too drunk to eat by the time they were served.

Back to the vodka. On each table, they take a large Ketel One (my favorite) and serve it in its own block of ice. The glasses are frozen, too. My table of drinkers (Barry, Alan, and me) went through 2 full bottles, and got some more stray shots from the bar.

We danced a sort of Jewish conga line through the restaurant. I served shots to many people, including Paul's friend Agnes from PHilly --a terrific black lady who runs a reading charity with him. As she got drunk, I said "Agnes --you know what women say, don't you? Once you go Jew, you never go back." She laughed hysterically and looked around, and said "You don't think I don't already KNOW that???"

It was truly one of the best parties I've been to, and I've been to many.

On the way out, where a restaurant typically has after dinner mints, Sammy's has alka seltzer. Really.

Friday night was really back to the future for most of the guests. We're all 3rd, 4th , or 5th generation children of immigrants, most of whom first came here via Ellis Island. We could see Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty from our rooms.

Ah, Sammy's... I purposely skipped my cholesterol lowering statins when I returned to the room that night...