True Friendship

I try to glean wisdom from those I meet, and my rabbi friend Yossi has been a prime source.  It's just not in my cards to become more observant, but I enjoy Yossi's lessons from the Torah and other holy books.

Years ago we discussed the true meaning of friendship -- I think it was at a "lunch and learn" session.  We used to host them at our office -- Paul would fetch some glatt kosher food, usually from Sara's in North Miami, and Yossi would lead discussions among our office friends.  Joel, the lapsed Catholic whose best childhood friends were all Jews, particularly enjoyed these sessions. His Jesuit training made him a natural skeptic (the old joke is that Jesuits were better at explaining why there is no God than any Atheist), and he would prod Yossi on his explanations.  I miss those sessions.

Anyway, we were all asked to state our definitions of friendship, and we all came up with a derivation of "a friend is someone there for you when you're down."  Yossi explained we were wrong -- a good person is someone there for you in times of distress. And, he added, never forget that when one visits someone in the hospital, human nature says that the healthy person always keeps a bit of "I'm glad it isn't ME lying there suffering."

No, the sage Rabbi went on, true friendship is when you truly exult in your friend's triumphs, the way a loving parent exults in the accomplishments of his children. That is true friendship.

And it's hard to do. When we hear that a friend did well, it's so easy to allow our evil inclination to say "Why him?  I worked harder at that ---how come that lucky son of a bitch gets the gold?"

But I pride myself on being a good friend to those I treasure. Yesterday I got to put it in practice.

My friend Stuart got a great settlement on one of his cases.  He took a case where there was only $10K of insurance coverage, worked hard at it, and received a $1.5M settlement. The money will be paid very quickly.

I sort of held his hand through the final stages, even though it wasn't my case, and my firm will receive nothing monetarily out of it.  His clients threatened to put the kibbosh on the deal, even though it would have been the height of stupidity for them to do so. They just didn't understand at all -- they listened to the settlement demands and thought they were reality. They weren't.

I returned to my office after a lovely lunch with three older ladies in my life, and found Stuart in the office. I made him go to Trulucks, along with young Vince, our up and coming legal eagle.

Stuart was self effacing about the result. I had none of it -- I bragged long and loud to Victor, our longtime bartender.  And deep in my heart, I was thrilled for him.

Of course, being wise ass Ashkenazi Jews from the Northeast, there had to be some busting of balls to go along with the celebration, and there was. I announced to Victor that Stuart would be picking up my bar tab for the rest of the year -- and I mean it. Happy hour cocktails are only $7.50 at Trulucks, so I don't feel guilty about the pronouncement.

So I got to soar yesterday, along with my dear friend.  It was terrific.  I hope there are many more of these days.