College Choices

It's that time of year where families decide where their kids are going to college. In our circle, that was a major decision -- so many, it seemed the parents cared far more where their kids studied than they did who their kids chose to marry. I never got it.

I guess college names never impressed me much, other than to be able to say "Haaaahvaaaad" like Winchester used to in "MASH."  As an empiricist, I look at my peers, from high school and college. The ones who attended Ivy League places did no better in life than those of us who didn't. And then there's the tale of Chuck...

Chuck was my partner Paul's buddy from law school. His daughter, who must now be pushing 40, was a top student at Palmetto High. Chuck's then wife was very into education -- she was a SUNY girl, and I think cared a lot that her daughter attended a more prestigious college.

Chuck was upper middle class, and I remember talking at length with him about his daughter's choices. She was offered a full ride at Florida, but then got into Duke. The girl was going to study journalism.  Chuck and his wife took out a second mortgage to sent the daughter to the Ivy-lite college, even though they had 2 more kids in the college pipeline -- both ended up having to "settle: for state schools.

The daughter did well at Duke -- at lunch, Chuck would regale us with tales of her covering major events with the school paper.  We lost touch for awhile, and then Paul said the girl was graduated and moved back to Miami. She wanted to have lunch with us. 

I remember this like it was yesterday. We went to Tobacco Road. Chuck's girl was hired as a cub reporter at Miami Today, a local biz paper. She brought her fellow new hire with her -- a stunning young woman, originally from Brazil, product of working class immigrants here in town. She and Chuck's girl were excited for their first job -- in journalism.  Someone was paying them to report and write. I asked the Brazilian girl where she had attended college. It was FIU.

So I have this prejudice.  It's politically incorrect, but I think only families that can afford it should send their kids to the private colleges. Another example is the real super stars who get scholarships. But to put a family into new hock to be able to hang a name on a wall?

Sure enough, there's an essay in yesterday's Times from a Cuban girl from Miami entitled "Did I Choose the Wrong College?"  The choices for her working class parents were free tuition at Florida versus a struggle to afford Cornell. The writer did fine -- she is not teaching writing in the Midwest. But she bemoaned the struggle she put her parents thought -- her folks were sold a vision from the Cornell people that the choice was a ticket to a sweet life for their first in the family to attend college girl. Turns out, the writer compares herself with peers who in fact DID go to Hogtown and did just fine.

We were privileged to give the Ds a choice -- go wherever you want.  They both chose UF, lived like queens during college, and still enjoy the stock accounts I funded for each of them with the savings of NOT spending half a million on private school tuition.

And Wifey and I DID stick to our philosophy -- much more teaching and guidance about choosing life partners than where they chose to study. I joked I was in favor of arranged marriages. And the Ds' choices fill us with huge pride -- they're both with awesome young men, who treat them wonderfully and share their life's vision and goals.

D1 has an older friend whose daughter is off to Stanford. I'm sure she'll soar. And her parents are both rich, so the tuition will be no big deal for them.

But for the struggling, working class families who think their kids have to go to New England -- I wish they'd rethink their choices.