A Sad Gathering

So Wifey and I fired up the SUV and left for far west Broward.  D2 was up and planning a sister bonding day -- she drove my car to Midtown to spend time with D1 -- I joked with her did she still remember how to drive after 2 years in car-less NYC.  She did -- the two of them had an awesome day.

But Wifey and I found our way to North Lauderdale, and parked in the lot of the cemetery.  I noticed several cars with friends, all waiting inside.  We were listening to the end of the first half of the Canes game -- our boys would go on to lose their first one of the season.  Somehow it seemed appropriate.

Then we walked inside.  Eric and his entire family greeted us.  There was so much sadness.  There was so much love.  I saw my old friend Pete and his wife Memori -- joking, as always, about never forgetting her name.  Eric and Dana's friends and family had come -- some from New England and Jersey -- no mean feat to get last minute tickets on T Day weekend...

Eric leaned in, and asked if I would be a pallbearer.  Of course, I told him.  We filed into the sanctuary, and there was the plain, pine box in the front -- as is tradition.  The cantor Stephanie Shore led the service -- she knew Norma for a long, long time -- grew up in Kendall.  She sang beautifully, and movingly.

Eric and his sister Elissa came to the front.  Elissa was clearly wracked with grief.  But she spoke so beautifully of a woman who was a mother and grandmother supreme -- always calling to check before a flight -- and Elissa flies a LOT in her job. She brought us all to tears by saying that Norma preferred her husband Bruce to her, and how her brother is her hero, and biggest supporter -- as Norma had intended.

Then my brother of another mother spoke -- he used a lot of the email I had sent him.  We all had tears streaming .  It was a truly fitting tribute to a woman who was the Bubbe of bubbes...

My duties were ceremonial -- the casket was on wheels, and the other bearers and I simply kept our hands on it as the director glided it to the hearse for the short drive to the grave.  But it touched me -- my mind flashed with the memories of this fine woman, who adopted me as a second son as an 18 year old college freshman, and always checked in on me as I grew into a man with my own family.

We had the sad, slow, short drive, and at graveside followed the Cantor in Kaddish.  The family sprinkled Jerusalem soil on the casket, and then we all took turns in the final mitzvah for a Jew -- helping to fill the grave.  Then we made two lines for the family to pass through as they walked from the hole.

Poor Barry was sick as a dog -- sweating and sneezing.  His boys were there, along with Donna.  I told him (the lawyer advising the doctor medically) he ought to be home in bed.  He planned to -- but he wouldn't dream of missing this funeral.

Of we three college best friends, only Barry's mother now survives.  Scott and Josh said she was well at their T Day dinner the day before.  I told them to make sure their beloved grandmother sticks around a long while.

Wifey and I found the Turnpike and headed for LOL, for an early dinner.  Both of us craved some deli comfort food following that said event.

But on the way, we reflected on how lucky Norma was.  Her entire family adored and cared for her.  Elissa, a devoted daughter, thanked Dana for being the local caregiver.  Eric and Elissa's 4 kids are best friends as well as cousins.

Norma's nephew and niece flew in.  They simply had to honor their wonderful aunt.  No one dreamed of missing the event.

I had a tinge of sadness for my own family -- so bereft and dysfunctional.  The thought of any of my cousins even visiting my mother during the last 11 months of her life is absurd. And my mother, also a loving grandmother, didn't even see three of her grandkids at all during her nursing home stay -- one visited her twice, and two saw her at least monthly.

But, as Tony S said -- what are ya gonna do?

Norma had little money.  Eric and Dana own her condo -- bought with help from Elissa.  There will be few material things left to her grandkids -- and they couldn't care less.

But Norma lived and died as the queen of an amazing family.

After we drop D2 at MIA tomorrow, Wifey and I will head up to Boca for the shiva.  The mourning period will also take place in New Jersey -- where Elissa and Bruce live.

All I know is, my life is better for having known Norma.  She taught a lot of lessons about how to be a grandparent, and in law.

And despite her lack of dollars -- she lived and died as one of the richest women I know.