Two Year Cleanout

Wifey and my first house had septic tank issues.  It was an old place, and the owners before us, since the house was built in the 50s, never had the tank properly cleaned.  So we would get back ups,  and when we sold, it barely passed inspection.  But it taught me the importance of keeping septic systems happy...


The sellers of our current house installed a new system when they built the place in 1997.  Richard told me he used Smith Septic, the kings of crap.  So two years later, I called Mr. Smith, and he came out and did the cleanout.  We struck up a nice acquaintance -- I loved his sense of humor.  He showed me pictures of his vacation home in Montana, and said "Sure is gold in my shit business." His Cuban son in law was learning the trade at the time.


Each two years I call them, they come and park the truck behind my stone wall, along Ludlam Road, and hop over with the bright green hose, and do the work.  Yesterday it was time.


I called, and Mr. Wendell Smith answered.  Sure enough, they had a job in Coral Gables, but could be at my place at 11.  I gathered up the invoices dating to '03, and when I heard the horn honk, went out back.


Carlos the son in law greeted me, and pointed to his mouth.  Sure enough, he had a new set of dentures -- he's a good looking guy, but had awful teeth.  "Check these out, Mr. David.  I got them done last year." I complemented him, and said his wife needs to be careful, now that he was so handsome.  He replied Ït's true.  Lot's of women get turned on by septic tank men!"


He did the clean out, and told me I was a great septic owner -- no trees around the drain field, and no non biodegradable solids in the tank.  I was proud.  I take pride in it -- if your toilets and drains back up, not much else can happen in your house.


I paid his check, and Carlos hopped the wall.  Mr. Smith was waiting by his smaller van, and I greeted him, and asked how he was.  "Great, Dave.  Each day is shitty, and that's how I like it!" This stuff never gets old for me.


I recalled a tale from our last house -- after Hurricane Andrew.  Our across the street neighbors put on a large addition, for the artist Carlos's studio, and needed a new septic tank and drain field.  Lois was home when the Septic Inspector came by.  She asked the guy if they passed.  No, he said, they needed to do something, but if Lois would meet him for a drink at the nearby Bennigan's, maybe he could let it pass...


Lois was infuriated, and called the County on him.  She also was annoyed it was the Septic Tank inspector.  Ïf it was the electrical or HVAC man, I would have felt better,"she said.


Yes -- lots of humor in the septic arena.  I'm just glad we're good to go, literally, for at least another two years...