You Pay for This But They Give You That

About a year ago, a good friend called me with a question about referring a divorce lawyer. His friend, a wealthy layabout, was told by his formerly poor wife, that he was no longer blowing her skirt up, and she wanted out, but she wanted out with BIG money -- after all, she had become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. The friend's Dad, the immigrant who actually MADE the family money, was savvy. He kept the wealth in his and his long time wife's name -- the son had little, on paper. Still, the soon to be divorcee wasn't giving up easily -- she hired a known Miami shark woman. Who would I recommend? No one, I told my friend. I was out of the referral business -- particularly in divorce matters. I was several times bitten and now very shy. Litigants in divorces are almost always angry and bitter, no matter what their outcome. And they take a lot out on their lawyers, and if you referred that lawyer, well, you're a big part of the problem. Still, my friend persisted, and asked about a particular woman attorney I know. I said she was competent. Fast forward. The make believe rich guy hired her, to combat the onslaught. He thinks his lawyer is a drunk has been. His wife's lawyer is running circles around her. The friend blames my friend. My friend called to tell me how correct I was. I used to be referral central. If a guy cut my trees well, soon he was cutting most of our hood's trees. And it worked both ways -- I got a lot of business from referrals as well. I've cut down quite a bit. Even in the PI arena. If my firm isn't going to make a co counsel fee, and therefore have no benefit, I tell folks to call local bar associations. There are plenty of good ways to find lawyers. Speaking of referrals, yesterday we got a happy surprise. My office settled a nice sized case, and I had assumed it came from a lawyer we know, and who would be entitled to a 25% co counsel fee. Not so fast. My partner Stu checked the file again -- the case was sent to me by a banker friend -- my firm got to keep a nice chunk of change. With my continued assistance of both Ds -- well, it's a welcome bit of news. I still hear grief from Dr. Eric about patients I referred him years ago, who turned out to be some of the nastiest, demanding, and generally unappreciative old folks he sees. And in a practice where most of the patients are elderly and angry Boca and Delray folks -- well , that's saying something. So know unless someone is really close friends, and asks for a doctor referral, I tell them web sites are the way to go. And for divorce lawyers, the advice is best learned from a joke from my rabbi friend. A husband sought counsel with his rabbi -- his long time wife was trying to poison him. The rabbi was incredulous -- these things didn't happen in his congregation. The rabbi met at length with the wife, and listened to her hectoring, complaining, and misery. He met then with the husband, who anxiously awaited his advice. The rabbi said "Take the poison."