Into Each Life Dog Pee Must Fall

Years ago, I saw a terrific bumper sticker: "Life Begins When The Kids Move Away and the Dog Dies." I always saw that as my future. I like dogs well enough, but it's a real treat to not be responsible for them. I adore kids, but I feel like I paid my dues in being a dutiful Dad, and now that I have two grown daughters, I look forward to being a GRAND dad -- enjoying the best out of your grandchild, and then give him back to his parents for the unpleasant stuff... Too bad for me --Wifey and the Ds are the most dogphilic people I know. The spoiled spaiel gets taken to the vet if she even gets NEAR a poisonous bufo toad, and she's fussed over like I've never seen. So two days ago, D1 said she wanted a new guest room bed -- the charm of sleeping with her sister when she spends the night has worn thin. I marched out on Memorial Day, and bought a memory foam number. The salesman asked if I wanted a mattress protector. No, I told him smughly -- no more babies in my house! So while Wifey was watching the Heat lose, the deliverymen came -- after 9 pm. Apparently business is so great at Mattress Firm (tm) they deliver until midnight! The father and son bed meisters set up the new mattress and box spring, even leaving some pillow mints as a PR gimmick, and then left -- ancient bunk bed mattress from the old house on its way to the mattress recycling plant. D2 came in, and wanted to try it out. Hey -- she asked -- why the big wet stain in the middle? Why indeed! The spoiled spaniel must have hopped on, smelled the unfamiliar scent of the memory foam, and decided to mark it as hers -- a basketball sized piss! We knew it want't thre strange rescue dog because her pees go on and on -- had she been the culprit -- the mattress would have been completely soaked. So D2 checked the internet, we got vinegar and baking soda, and removed the cover of the mattress -- clearly flouting all the federal laws admonishing one to NEVER remove it! I washed the stain while Wifey and D2 paper towel blotted up most of the pee -- followed by vinegar, and my putting the foam on its side. I left the cover outside to dry from my dish soap washing of the spot. This am, I put baking soda on, vacuumed it off, and put the cover in the dryer gentle cycle. I just finished wrestling the thing back together. The stink is all gone. But now we bought ourselves the annoyance of having to keep the door closed, like we had some valuable antique inside. I guess Wifey will go buy a cover for the $500 memory foam bed. Although the spaniel seems chastened (she won't follow me into the guest room) she has yet to verbally apologize. Gee -- maybe we can get even MORE dogs in the house. Dogs and kids are a young man's game, in my opinion. My patience has shortened as my years have lengthened. Maybe the Heat will win their next game...