Shrinking Bandwidth

 It's funny, the old cliche "if you need something done, ask a busy man to do it" is so true for me. Back when I was balancing fathering 2 little girls, being a husband to Wifey, and building a law practice from the ground up, I would take on additional tasks with ease. Often these would be providing counsel to friends and acquaintances -- researching legal issues, connecting people with experts.

As I am now far less busy, with only a very part time law practice, grown daughters, and the fun part of grandparenting, it seems much harder to take on new tasks. Plus, I simply no longer have the bandwidth mental or emotional, to get involved like I used to.

A very select few people get the full concierge services I offer. And I prefer it that way. I turn down far more offers to attend events than I used to. It was "sure -- I'm free -- let's do it." Now it's "is what's being offered worth the time and effort -- to take me away from a house and 'hood I love?" Often the answer is, for this curmudgeon, a hard no.

I guess I AM my father's son. When he and my Mom retired to Delray, there were always social events -- typically my Mom's sisters and their families. Large groups would go to early bird specials at local restaurants. My Dad went for the first six months or so, and then realized almost all of the conversations were the same: medical issues and which banks were paying the highest CD rates.

He leveled with my Mom -- he preferred to stay home and read, or watch public TV. My Mom was fine with it -- she happily went with her family. And, strangely, it probably prepared her for the widowhood she would know a mere 3 years after they got to Florida.

This weekend is a perfect example. March is high season for cool stuff to do in Miami. No grandsons or Ds for us at all, and Wifey and I planned exactly nothing. Well, we did until last night -- during a FaceTime with Barry and Donna, Donna offered to come to our local favorite, Captain's Tavern. We usually meet halfway, in Doral, but they know Wifey is still improving from her bad back, and prefers very short drives.

So they'll pop over, and enjoy the time together. I have plenty of bandwidth for close friends.

Monday I plan to have lunch with Mirta, to celebrate her birthday a few days late. She and I have a lot to catch up on -- she and her boyfriend have been world traveling -- and I much prefer to hear about trips to actually having to take them. Yeah, I AM letting the Old Man in, in contravention to Clint Eastwood's advice.

There's a local politician I follow -- Gables guy, was voted out of office. He keeps commenting on FaceBook (TM) about the "dye being cast." I messaged him -- I really like his opinions, but the English Composition teacher in me had to pick the nit: I wrote him the proper expression is "die is cast," since it refers to a tool and not coloring. He wrote back thanking me, and said he would be running for office again, but yeah, I have become a grammar scold, too.

Paul's friend Andy, retired in Mexico, sent a great article about retirement, which Paul forwarded and I shared with my friends who are hopefully close to that milestone. The article talks about how most of our lives, our identity was tied up in our career success -- everything we accomplished, all the goals we set out and met.

But a happy retirement requires a totally different mindset. It has to be about finding joy in just all of the moments -- walks, time with friends and family, with no tasks that must be accomplished.

I think I am succeeding at this very well. I ALWAYS have the bandwidth for finding joy in the moment.