First World Problems

 Nobody knows the trouble each of us has seen -- nobody knows but the Big Man (and his alleged son, if you're Christian). But it's nice when the problems are decidedly First World, and I've had a few of those comical ones lately. 

First -- new kitchen appliances. Wifey decided that it was time for new matching stainless steel appliances, and so she said not to worry -- she would handle all aspects of that project. At the same time, I said I would be starting at First Base for the Miami Marlins. Neither event happened.

I dealth with the entire project, which we put in motion in September of last year, and now, 9 months later, the refrigerator is supposedly here! Wow. nine months. We could have had a baby in that time, but for the menopause thing. Well -- the installers are scheduled to come Wednesday, and I will be at the office, and so Wifey is tasked with overseeing that -- the free refrigerator I finagled from Home Depot on account of they're idiots, and instead of giving me a credit for a botched delivery/removal of the old built in, credited me the entire appliance -- $1800! Finally something good for the rich, white man! Anyway, that puppy needs to go in the garage, and the old garage fridge taken away.

Lord willing, Leche Dave will ride again this summer, and I need the extra freezer space to help distribute "human milk," the new politically correct term for breast milk, to needy Moms in Miami Dade -- assuming our skinny daughter becomes cow-like again, like last time.

And then came the new First World problem, which turned out to be pretty comical. We're planning our first big trip since Covid. Kenny and Joelle have asked us to accompany them on Joelle's 60th birthday trip -- a lovely river cruise from Lyon to Avignon, France, in late October. Wifey is major jonesing to travel again. I'm content to stay local -- maybe an away Canes game, but that's it.

Our pattern is , and has been, that Wifey is the engine behind our trips, I'm lukewarm, and then I have a great time and I'm thankful Wifey pushed me to go. Hopefully that will be the case this time, and we're not slaughtered by Euro terrorists, or an errant Russian missile, or one of the many mishaps I have come to learn with my addictive watching of Smithsonian Channel's "Mayday -- Air Disasters."

Anyway, Joelle did all the research and found a charming trip -- basically consisting of eating great food, drinking great wine (I'm sure they'll have vodka) and walking around the places that inspired Van Gogh, Gauguin, etc... Apparently Lyon is a MAJOR food place -- even more than Paris -- and so this trip has my name on it.

I was on one Euro river cruise -- the Danube -- with the Ds years ago, when Wifey couldn't travel on account of her back. The Ds and I enjoyed it, even though I was the youngest passenger except for the Ds, who despite being in college and high school, were essentially infants.

And infants brings me to the latest daunting task. Last night, after a few cocktails, I went on the AA site, to make, at least, a temporary reservation for our trip. I can no longer multi task, and several times I asked Wifey to please stop peppering me with questions as I attempted to input all our info -- I promised I wouldn't buy the tickets until we discussed it -- and so Wifey kept peppering me with questions until I exploded, Ralph Kramden-like, and told her SHE could book the freaking trip -- she wanted to go, anyway.

She apologized, and asked me to do it -- she knew it was probably beyond her ADHD capabilities -- we'd end up booked to Chile in 2024 instead of France this October -- but I stormed off.

I actually just made it to the other computer, where I continued my work -- only to get stymied by the dreaded "please correct these nine errors" before continuing. And the "errors" were that I failed to give information about the infant that would be sitting on my lap!!! Infant? I'm nearly 61, and not one of those pathetic guys with a much younger wife and accompanying infants! 

So I called American, and was told the wait time for help was 3 hours. I then stormed off to bed and told Wifey -- "Your airplane. Good luck."

But in the light of a new day this am I tried again. And this time I got creative -- I asked for "internet help" on the phone instead of "help with reservations." And Chris, a lovely woman with a subcontinent accent (can you say that anymore?) got on the phone and was most helpful.

She asked what browser I was using. I told her the one with the blue and green wave looking icon. Ah -- Microsoft, she correctly concluded. Did I have Google Chrome? I did.

She talked me through the process like a gifted air traffic controller, once  I switched to Chrome, which apparently doesn't make crap up like the Microsoft browser does, and Voila! That's French for "Son of a bitch -- it works!" I was able to get 'er done, as they say in Avignon.

So I placed to reservations on hold. I have to go find the ticket number for our aborted trip to D.C. in late March, which we had to cancel on account of I got Covid -- and apply the credit to this new trip.

For now, at least, First World problems solved. Also, it's a trip that shows my love for Wifey. I'll be missing the home FSU game. Maybe they have Le ESPN in Southern France.