Dog Drama

 So the local law here is that walked dogs must be on a leash, and you are supposed to clean up your dog's poop. My family and I are law abiding, high tax paying citizens. But when it comes to this, we are shameless scofflaws.

I get the poop clean up law in the city. No one wants to step in poop on a street, sidewalk, or curb, but my 'hood is all half acre and acre lots, with lawns that go to the street. I have ZERO issue when dogs poop on my property, and I enjoy the same liberty with my dogs. 

I DO leash them, since one, the strange rescue, would otherwise take off for a new owner. But D2 and Jonathan do NOT leash Betsy -- and she walks well off leash.

All of the neighbors love Betsy. She's huge and friendly, and comically ungainly. Well, one neighbor does NOT love Betsy. I'll call her Riva, since that's her name.

Riva is the neighborhood malcontent. She once called Wifey demanding that security signs be immediately taken down from our 'hood's entrance -- since "my family is coming for Boca and I want those GONE before they see them."

She also routinely calls the Village to complain about various trespasses -- like people who have the temerity to ADD to her trash pile before the County picks it up.

I generally give her wide berth because I think her mean ness has a component of mental illness, and I feel bad for her -- and worse for her husband.

She has a retriever she shows. Early in D2 and Jonathan's stay here, they asked her if maybe her dog wanted to romp with Betsy and Jagger, Betsy's best doggie friend. Riva said that her dog "was inside sleeping." Strange stuff.

Well, things escalated. Yesterday Jonathan was walking past her house, and she came out and demanded to know where Betsy's leash was. Jonathan wisely ignored her. His and D2's 4 year tenure in NYC gave them great skills when it comes to ignoring crazies you meet on the street -- though typically those are in places like Washington Square Park, and not leafy Pinecrest.

Today I was walking with Jonathan, and it was as if Betsy knew: she squatted and left a gift on Riva's lawn. No one was around, but I told Jonathan I had zero doubt that Riva had cameras everywhere. We met up with neighbors Ellen and Evan, and continued our walk.

Sure enough, two streets away, there was an angry woman in a Lexus SUV. It was Riva. Ellen reported that in the 20 plus years she and Riva lived in the 'hood, she NEVER BEFORE saw Riva on her street. She had come looking for us!

She rolled down her window, and asked, angrily, "Did that big dog poop on my lawn?" I answered "Of course not. How absurd!" and we kept walking. I knew things wouldn't end there.

We dropped off Jonathan and the scofflaw dog, and sure enough, when we passed Riva's house, she came up to us -- again demanding I admit the terrible crime my kids' dog committed. I went into lawyer mode, and said "I have to tell you -- I pay no attention to where dogs shit, and so can neither admit or deny guilt on behalf of my granddog. Without admitting guilt, I will aver that if the dog in fact shat on your lawn, then on behalf of my family, we apologize."

She countered with, and I'm not making this up "Well -- we spent THOUSANDS of dollars getting this lawn perfect, and then a dog poop ruins everything!"

By then I was by the next house, and didn't care to ask what she did nightly when the hundreds of cats, raccoons, peafowl, coyotes, foxes, and other woodland creatures we have do their business on said expensive lawn.

Oh boy.

Even when you live far apart, neighbors can be humorously annoying. It does bring home a message for me though -- I can NEVER live in a condo.

Also, I'm thankful that Riva probably doesn't own a firearm. That said, she has told us many times she has "connections" in Village and County government. Hopefully there won't be a tearful scene at my house as Betsy is terribly arrested by a dog catcher -- or worse.

Ah, dog drama.