Taking Stock

So today is my 59th birthday, and I really only like to make big deals at turning of decades. So, if the Big Man decides I get to be here another year from now, I can hopefully plan more of a celebration. Still, my Rabbi friend teaches that EACH birthday is special, and to graciously accept the gift of life from the Big Man, we must acknowledge and celebrate.

Sure enough, Yossi called me yesterday to wish me happy birthday. We share wise ass, NY Jewish senses of humor, so I said "What -- you couldn't call me tomorrow, on the actual day?" He laughed because the answer was, of course, he could not, as it's shabbos, and he doesn't use the phone. So he gave me blessings, which I happily and gratefully accepted, for another year of good health for me and my family.

And I guess the least I can do is take stock. What's my life been about to this point, and where I would like it to go. In my case, it's really not that complicated.

When D1 was just a year old, Wifey and I would put her on the back of my bicycle, in her little helmet, and ride through our old 'hood. Like her Mom, movement put her to sleep, and I would often feel the thump of her helmet on my back as she dozed off.  Wifey and I would ride north, since riding south would bring us to the industrial area we lived next to, and marvel at the much larger houses that existed north of SW 124th Street, wondering if we would ever be able to afford places like that. Our first house, which we loved, was about 1400 square feet -- it cost us $86.5 K.

Wifey asked me what I would do if we ever made a lot of money. And I answered -- get us a much bigger and nicer house, secure the financial future of our family, and be the guy who always picked up the check when we went out with family and friends. That was it -- no boats, or planes, or multiple residences.

Well -- fast forward three decades or so, and I've been lucky enough to reach that goal. We live now in a house I absolutely love -- even more so now that we have a grandson, and it has become his "county house" -- a place where we all gather to enjoy life together. When D2 and Jonathan had to decamp from their apartment due to a broken AC, they moved here seamlessly -- with plenty of room, even though we were socially distancing from them.

Wifey and I were able to put away a good amount of money to the Ds -- such that THEIR starter homes are, well, somewhat more elaborate and luxurious than ours was.  And, several weeks ago, just for feeling ebullient surrounded by loving family, I handed each of my sons in law rather substantial checks -- just because. Everyone is due here today to celebrate my birthday -- and my brother Paul told me to lock up my check book before they come, lest I do it again...

I set out, in November of '88, to be the best Dad I could. I redoubled that effort in February of '92, when D2 joined the band. I like to think I have succeeded.

I always downplay any talk of my skills as a lawyer, or businessman. I NEVER self deprecate when it comes to being a Dad, and now grandfather. That to me, as it is to one of my heroes, Sydney Poitier, the true measure of a man -- how he takes care of his family.

And going forward from this day? Well -- number one is trying to continue to be a rock for my family, as the world navigates the scariest time in my lifetime. Dear friends Eric and Barry are on the front lines. Last night, we Zoomed with them. We laughed together, and got buzzed, but their stress levels are apparent -- they're fighting a terrible viral disease, and also inept government leaders making the fight political instead of scientific.

So, as Peter Falk's character Vince the CIA man joked about enjoying the benefits of working for that organization, "the key to enjoying the benefits package is staying alive." That's number one.

I also plan to really work on balancing my love and adoration for my Ds with the need to let them work out their own lives now, with their husbands and now one child.  I am always so tempted to offer my thoughts, and tell them how I would deal with issues, but at 31 and 28, they need to find their own way.

My father in law, may he rest in peace, was a good hearted, loving grandfather, so horribly damaged by the Holocaust. He and my mother in law never thought about keeping their feelings and thoughts and desires to themselves -- and it cost the family a lot of grief.

I also must redouble my efforts with Wifey.  The marital relationship is the bedrock of all who we are. No Wifey -- no Ds. Our sages teach us that each spouse must put the other first. Of course, that gets harder to do as the years go on, and petty arguments and resentments dirty up the love that brought us together. But it must be thus -- no one has any right to come between a those in a marriage, and I realize that over the years, I let this happen, in the name of "keeping everyone in the family happy."  In retrospect, I wish I had acted differently.

So I guess the plan for my future is no more than to keep on keepin' on. My "job" has become walking -- a lot of it. I try to get in 8-10 miles per day, all in my own 'hood. Not today -- I slept in, and the rain is pouring down. I figure it's not a bad idea to give my aging joints a day off once in awhile.

I give thanks today to the Big Man -- He gave me another trip around the sun. I ask Him for many, more -- more laughter, and the sacred time together with family and friends. I'll try to be more helpful to others than a hindrance to others.

And I'll always try to remember that I am one very lucky Daddy in the USA.