Joining a Board

So no sooner did I recall an old anecdote involving my rabbi friend Yossi than he called me.  I told him we must have ESP.  No, he said, he prefers Sports Channel...

He was calling to ask some advice about his coming major expansion of his shul.  He has enormous plans, including a major expansion of a program that pairs special needs kids with teen mentors.  I think it's an awesome thing for the community.

He was told that, contrary to the way he's always handled things, he ought to form a Board. What were my thoughts?

I told him that I currently sit on one board -- a committee that meets twice per year to advise my former College at the U. I then told him I planned to quit that board, because it came clear to me over the years that I have less and less patience for being in a room filled with people who truly love the sound of their own voices.  In other words, I was telling him that before he even asked me that there was ZERO chance I would sit on any Board he created.

My dear friend never gives up without a fight.  What if I just joined and didn't have to commit money?  I could be a voice of reason among huge egos...

No, no, no...and if he asked, the answer would be no.

My brother Barry has a job where a good portion of his time must be spent in committee meetings, and in an academic setting, where the famous joke goes that the fights are so bitter because the stakes are so small.

I really have no idea how he stomachs it.  I have a fantasy for him, involving one extremely opinionated, small stature woman, who has acquired a less than flattering nickname. My fantasy is that while she is saying something particularly self aggrandizing and offensive, Barry calmly walks up to her, lifts her onto the coat hook on the back of the meeting room door, and leaves her dangling there, Three Stooges-like, as she prattles on and on.

Of course, this would never happen in real life, but I like to imagine it does, for Barry's sanity's sake.

As I age, I do become more like my Dad. He never was a part of any groups. I asked him why, and he'd answer simply: "Dave -- I'm just not a joiner."

I know a large part of that was his experience in the US Army, during WW II, where he often took orders from those he knew were much dumber than he was.  I'm pretty sure as soon as he got out, he made an internal pledge to avoid joining any groups, and took orders only from his 4 company bosses, who provided him with a very nice living, and, of course, the occasional orders from my Mom.

This year, we bumped up our contribution to FIU's College of Public Health -- D1's alma mater.  I really appreciate the work they do, and their new Dean is a way impressive guy. But when I was invited to a ceremony following their graduation, I declined.  I realized, in the words of John Fogerty, that ain't me...that ain't me.

So I told my rabbi friend I was happy to be his behind the scenes consigliere.  Since he grew up without watching classic movies, or with Italian friends, I had to explain that to him.

But as for serving on any board?  No way. I told him I would sooner volunteer with toilet cleaning skills.  He asked if that was an actual commitment...