The national mood is awful, thanks largely, in my opinion, to the polarizing nature of The Donald. He's still spewing off about Confederate monuments, with all the wisdom of a guy from Queens, and meanwhile there was another terrorist attack today in Barcelona. Really anxious times, or times filled with, to use my friend Alan's neologism, tensosity...
As if on cue, some happy mail came for me yesterday -- my Canes season's tickets. Tailgate parties and college football are a real escape for me -- drink more than I should, go to the stadium and yell and scream -- all with no real effect on reality. I love going so much -- though I have to miss the first game on account of D1's wedding.
When the tickets arrive, I always wax nostalgic. Wifey claims I used to spread them all out on the bed and roll around on them. That never happened. Well, maybe once, after a national championship...
I recalled a time back in, I think, 1981. The team was on the rise. A seminal win was two seasons before, when our star QB Jim Kelly led a huge upset against powerhouse Penn State. Kelly was the first national star for the Canes in a long time. Everyone knew who he was -- sure enough, he went on to have a Hall of Fame with the Buffalo Bills, even though he never got them a Super Bowl ring. Hey -- it's Buffalo...
Anyway, my friends and I were at a party on Building 22, the Honors Dorm. The Canes had lost earlier that day to Notre Dame. The party was hosted by some girls, including one I'll call Ileana, since that's her name. Ileana was a real spitfire of a coed. Cuban born, Miami raised, and smart as anything. I think she went on to Harvard Law after UM. But Ileana HATED the football team -- she thought they should disband it and use the money to hire better professors -- to make us the Stanford of the East, she used to say.
And worse -- the football team had their own dorm, like we Honors students did -- but theirs was carpeted and had microwaves...This annoyed Ileana no end.
I was standing with Eric and Vince, and in walked the very famous Jim Kelly, with his sidekick and running back, Mark Rush. They had just gotten off the team plane from South Bend. He sidled up to us, and said "Man -- we had a tough game. I really need some (female companionship). Who hear is a sure thing?"
Well, Vince, my former friend, liked the Canes well enough, but liked funny stuff more. He pointed across the room to Ileana, and told Kelly that she was a real football groupie -- she would absolutely be thrilled to sleep with the famous one. So Jim made a beeline to her. We watched.
The music was blasting -- Ramones, I seem to recall. We couldn't hear Jim give his proposition to Ileana, but we watched them in pantomime...Jim leaned in towards her, apparently expecting a passionate kiss that would lead to an immediate sexual encounter back in the football dorm, and instead he was greeted by a HUGE left hook by Ileana -- right to his jaw. I still remember the cracking sound -- in my memory, the music stopped, and all the party goers looked on -- movie like.
All I know is, Jim came over to us, rubbing his jaw. He wasn't known for his intellect, and said to Vince "I think you set me up, man." Vince kept a straight face, and said "I don't know, Jim She sleeps with all of us -- you must have set her off the wrong way." Kelly grabbed his sidekick Rush and said "Let's get out of here -- these guys are assholes," and off they went in search of more target rich environments...
I can't wait -- for the games, the tailgates, and the memories my dear friends and I all share. Anything to divert our attention from these troubled times.
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