Favors and Thanks

I had a nice long talk with an old friend the other day, and the subject turned to favors and thanks.  Both of us used to do favors freely, expecting that most people in the world did the same, and also that everyone properly appreciated favors.  We've come full circle: now we assume that most people are selfish and have only their own agendas -- until proven otherwise.  I guess it's the wisdom of aging...

Sure enough, this week some examples came my way.  First was a late evening call from a woman who began her message "I feel like each time I call you it's because I need something."  That's because each time she calls me she needs something.  This time it was about her troubled young son -- a fellow with a difficult path, including early teen fatherhood, and some things that kept him from getting a government job he craved.  Well, things looked up -- he moved upstate, got the great job, and was living nicely with his now teenaged son.  Then he got into a car crash, where a young man was slightly hurt, and stayed on scene, exchanged info, and went home to await the rise in insurance premiums.  Ha.  As if.  No -- he left the scene after the cops were slow to arrive, figuring he'd, like Sinatra, do it his way and simply report everything .  FHP had other ideas -- they showed up, and arrested him for leaving the scene with injuries.  So now he got smart -- went quietly, figuring he'd work out the small dustup.  Again -- not so fast -- he called the female trooper a "see you next Tuesday," and kicked and shouted, so he bought himself some nice felony charges.

The mom was desperate.  I mean, the young man was 30, and still clearly in need of Mom's help.  I gave her the name of a criminal lawyer I know with, conveniently, offices in Miami AND Orlando.  Mom wanted more -- would I call her son, and calm him, and explain everything?  I would not.  Old Dave maybe would have -- wise Dave begged off.  I'm sure I'll hear from Mom again next time there's a crisis -- with the same false disclaimer...

Then yesterday came a VERY long email from a  young businesswoman who sends her only child to private school.  It contained details and details about her son't friendships and non friendships.  But then the request -- her husband, a hot headed guy, apparently threatened to beat up the son's bully.  I get this.  D1 had a bullying incident in Middle School, and I handled it Tony Soprano-like.  But I did it in private, with no witnesses -- complete deniability.  This dude tried his Soprano act at a party -- with the bully's mom there!  So a letter came from a lawyer, clearly a friend of the Bully family, saying, essentially, we're coming after you unless you leave this family be.  I was asked whether a lawyer was needed.

My opinion was no -- let the $25K per year private school handle it.  Wifey asked where my bottle of Stoli Elite was, from this food services providing Mom.

Nah -- people assume lawyers' advice should be given for free -- it's not TANGIBLE, like maybe that Stoli Elite bottle would be.

I ask for favors as rarely as I can.  Last week I emailed a neighbor who is an ENT -- afraid my lingering sore throat was something fatal.  Dr. Brian got me in right away, snaked a tube down my nose to my lungs, and pronounced me only "cryptic tonsil" man.  Apparently about 30% of us grown ups whose tonsils shrink as we age do it in a way with folds, so we get lots of small infections, like I have.  I was relieved.

I thanked Dr. Brian with a nice bottle of Califoria red -- Baby Blue -- a pretty hard to find, very drinkable mix.  He was so appreciative -- I guess other neighbors bother him and never show their gratitude.  I couldn't think of it.

I used to freely offer my friends for favors -- particularly Dr. Barry.  Anyone with a pediatric question got his number.  I cut that out like a badly infected cyst some years ago.  Now only truly inner circle people get to him through me -- Barry rarely says no, and when he is asked to get involved with a kid, takes it on like a calling.  I don't want to be responsible for piling anymore on his already comically full plate.

Bob Seger sang a great song years ago about growing up -- "Against the Wind."  He told about needing to learn "what to leave out" and "what to leave in."  He says it better than I.

I know I've taught the Ds well in this regard.  When someone does them a favor -- they graciously thank the person.

Too bad there ain't that much of that going around...