That Ain't Workin'--That's The Way You Do It

I have an old acquaintance who's a lawyer -- almost 10 years older than I am.  He never really made it financially -- he's had what we call a "door law"practice, where he took anything that came through his door.  He tried to become a judge several times, but never had the political juice to get too far, and the one time he ran for office, he picked a beloved incumbent and lost big.  Still, he made a living, married and his wife had two kids, now grown, and then he divorced her.  He always had, interestingly, an almost regal air -- he dressed sharp, and carried himself like someone who DID make lots of money.  But he lived in a small townhouse, and lived, other than his clothes, frugally. 


His kids inherited some of his qualities -- they are hippie-like, and seem to look down on material success.  Wifey and I run into them occasionally -- one dropped out of college and is now trying to make it as a musician in a western college town, and the other is underemployed.  Both claim they can't live in Miami, since everything here is too shallow and only about the money.  I hear that a lot from folks who don't make it here financially -- the same criticism I hear about NYC...


But the dude scored.  Big.  He became the boyfriend, and, he hopes, will become the husband, or a RICH lady.  Her ex is a master of the universe -- hit it huge in business -- and she also has grown kids.


I see my old acquaintance on FaceBook now -- traveling the world, staying in first class places -- living the life!  And I think to myself -- good for him.


Whenever I'm asked the best way to become well off, I always answer the same:  be born that way.  Then you don't have to dirty your hands acquiring the money, or working at the wheel to get it.  That wasn't in the cards for me.


When Wifey and I married, my net worth was NEGATIVE $25K, thanks to loans I took out to pay for law school.  Wifey had saved about $9000 in her IRA.  My late and dear Mom had gifted each of her three kids $10,000 -- she was living large off high interest rates, and decided to start making her estate smaller.  Wifey and I took $8600 of that gift and used it as the 10% down payment of our first house.  Little by little, we built our nest egg -- always saving and living below our means.


When I started with my third job, I was making $45K per year, and Wifey quit her higher paying job to raise D1.  She thought she'd go back to work after a three month maternity leave, but simply couldn't leave her precious little girl.  I agreed.  Around that time, I was summoned to lunch by my old friend Scott's firm -- I had referred an insurance dispute case to him.  The case generated a $40K fee, and I was given $10K.  I was floored -- a bonus equal to nearly a quarter of my yearly salary.  Wifey and I spent about $1K of it -- I think we splurged on taking D1 to Disney, and actually stayed at an on campus hotel -- and I banked the rest.  Even back then, that was more important to us than upgrading our two aging Mazdas...


The year D2 was born things really took off for us.  I brought in a huge case to the firm -- a "mortgage lifter,"as the term went, and also that year a tropical cyclone called Andrew coupled with absurdly liberal insurance payments turned our crap into money, and left us in a very different financial place.  I was also able to pay off my student loans -- something I thought would take another 10 years or so.  We were lucky -- but I worked my ample tuches off for the following 20 years.


But not my acquaintance.  He never put in crazy hours, or aggressively hustled for business.  He'd make his living, and leave at 5 pm most nights.


So I guess the addendum to my advice about being born rich is...or, marry well.  I explored with Wifey the idea of my finding a rich wife.  She told me I already had one.  But then I thought about the words of Chris Rock -- rich versus wealthy.  As he said, Shaq is rich -- the guy who owns the team he plays for is WEALTHY.


So maybe I need a WEALTHY wife.  I'm getting tired of picking up tabs, and paying for stuff like the upcoming big, fat, Colombian wedding.  If I met the right lonely and WEALTHY divorcee or widow -- I could sit on a charitable board and give money away.  Instead of having morning coffee on the porch of my big house, I could have the coffee on the porch of a HUGE one -- and one on Biscayne Bay.


Nah -- ain't happening.


So I admire my old acquaintance and wish him well.  His version of the great "Fiddler "song is If I had a rich wife."


That's the way you do it...