Oh Very Young Why Did You Leave Us

So I woke up this am to a very sad tale in the news: a 14 year old foster child hung herself live on a FaceBook (tm) stream.  Apparently she went into a bathroom and did it as her foster parents slept, and the police were alerted by friends, but arrived too late.  The girl was beautiful, and although a few grades behind in school, had been keeping a journal, and wished to someday write a book about her difficult life.  I guess she chose a different ending than a possible book tour.

This sad affair brought back memories of my foray into the world of foster kids -- probably now 6 years gone by.  My partner Paul had gotten involved as a guardian ad litem, and encouraged me to do the same.  D2 was off at college, and I had plenty of free time, and so I channeled my inner do gooder and signed up for the required course, which took two weekends.  I received my certification and passed a background check, and was assigned a young lady to meet and advocate for.

She was 15, and in may ways like the girl who killed herself today.  She happened to be very beautiful, and, as I learned, possessed of a genius IQ.  She was born into the wrong family.  Her father was in prison for life after killing a rival drug dealer, and her mom made some poor boyfriend choices.  One of these paramours decided he didn't like crying babies, and so tried to crush my young friend to death under a glass coffee table.  She nearly died, but made it, and the State of Florida decided maybe Mom wasn't her best choice for a living place.

She was given to an aunt, and that worked out for awhile, but an older cousin became a militant lesbian (I'm not making this up) and decided to bring the then teen into her world.  The State didn't think that was cool, either. and so she ended up in foster care, where I met her.

We got to know each other.  I decided I would be the missing male role model for her life.  I knew there was no better father to daughters, especially smart ones, than I was.  I met with teachers, therapists, and spent a good amount of time with my client.  I explained that, given her natural gifts, a scholarship to an Ivy League college awaited her -- just keep focused on school, and you can transcend your awful, unfair childhood.

I got to learn first hand, the absurd incompetence of the system, and its bloated bureaucracy.  I'd attend group telephone conferences attended by, no kidding, EIGHT Department functionaries (psychologists, case workers, liasons, and others with titles out of Orwell).  They'd talk and talk, and no one would do anything except schedule a future meeting to "check progress."

One time, a visit was required of the place my client wanted to move.  One of the voices on the call suggested I do it.  I exploded -- EIGHT of these idiots were on the state payroll, and they wanted the one volunteer -- me -- to schlep to Florida City to do the check???  A case worker's assistant, or some such, meekly agreed to do it instead.

Well, my client took a different path.  Despite my cheerleading, and the "efforts" of this team of support state salaried staff, my client got pregnant with her high school dropout boyfriend.  I was really disappointed, and told her.  No -- she was going to have the baby, and finally a being that "HAD to love her."

My supervisor called and said it was decided that I be GAL for the baby, too.  No, I said.  First, I wasn't looking for an 18 year commitment, and second, there was a clear conflict of interest.  What if I thought the baby, for example, needed to be placed elsewhere, and my teen Mom client desperately wanted to keep her?  How could I advocate for both?

The powers that be called and decided there WOULD be only one GAL, and I could either take both spots or neither.  I took neither.  My adventure as a GAL was done.  I made sure my now 17 year old client had my contact info, invited her to call if she wanted advice, and wished her well.  I never heard from her again -- she must be 23 or so, now.

I hope she found a way out of the cycle her family had put her in.  I fear this is unlikely.  Today showed me the spectacular way a young like can be failed, by the State, and more closely, by a despicable set of parents.

It was a sad tale to start a Wednesday.