A Refresher Lesson on Friendship

My friend Rob, divorced and now living with his failing mother up in Martin County, continually posts weird, inspirational quotes on FaceBook. Our mutual friend Mike noted this, and asked if I thought Rob had lost his mind. Being kind and sensitive guys, we both laughed heartily at that. Rob just posted something about friendship -- how a true friend is someone there for you when you're down. This is so wrong, and hits my eye like an off tune song hits my ear. I've learned about three valuable lessons from my Torah scholar rabbi friend Yossi. I figure that's not bad for a 22 year friendship. The most enduring thing he taught is the Torah's view of friendship. Most people define a friend like Rob's cliched posts -- be there when someone is down. But I've learned that's not a friend -- that's simply any decent person. The Rabbi explained that when you visit someone in the hospital, there's an element of "glad it's not me sitting there." We feel empathy and sympathy, if we're at all decent people, but it's pretty easy to "be there for someone" when you're doing great yourself. No -- the true measure of friendship is the ability to truly celebrate a friend's success. That shows the true love -- sort of the way we all want our children to succeed in life more than we have. I score high on this scale, I must say. I love it when my friends soar. I'm still waiting for one of them to hit it huge financially -- so they can take Wifey and me on a trip somewhere, or agree to always pick up the tab. But my friends have succeeded in so many other ways, and I love it. I hear the opposite all of the time -- "why did THAT bitch get that guy?" "How come HE got the promotion?" In the parlance of the modern young, those critics are "haters." As I age, I avoid the "haters." I have a friend who has taught me that envy is the most toxic emotion there is. She doesn't mind being disliked or even hated by people, but when someone comes into her life who envies her -- she discards them like sour milk. She feels that envy puts out negative vibes -- and as she ages, she avoids negative vibes. So I told Rob I hope he wins the Lotto. I would be truly thrilled for him, and only ask that he pick up the bar tabs. During the hey days of our firm, Paul and I were ALWAYS the guys who picked up the tabs. We took our friends on trips -- all expenses paid. Las Vegas, Inns in Central Florida, SF, LA, NYC. We loved doing it. With decreased revenue, those days have since passed. Wifey is there to keep me in check. When I have a few drinks, I ALWAYS still grab the check. Wifey gently reminds me it's other peoples' turn now. She's right. So I will just continue to hope for more soaring among my friends. I truly enjoy their success. And God forbid they're down, of course I'll "be there for them."