Septic Tanks and Tropical Cyclones

I'm not very mechanically inclined, but I do closely observe stuff around the house to try to ward off major repair issues...

And Friday afternoon, I was walking in my dog infested back yard, when I noticed the septic tank cover askew...

I am a religious fanatic about having the tank pumped out every two years (in May, to commemorate the Communists), and 2 pumps ago my friend Wendell Smith, owner of Smith Septic, told me to replace the concrete cover with a riser and plastic cover, to make pumpings easier...I agreed.

Our first house had MAJOR septic issues. The owner, a sleazy little guy who owned a bikini store in South Miami, and had a gorgeous, airhead girlfriend ("He's asking $125 K but I know he'll take less than $90K for the house --giggle giggle")knew he had major drainfield issues, and concealed it from us. So we spent our 4 years there always afraid of a putrid back up...

Anyway, I wenr over to the cover, and tried it with my foot, and, sure enough, it was LOOSE! There was the open tank, with brown water, and roaches scurrying about...

It was 6 pm, but I called Smith, and left them a message to call me Monday. Wifey and I then left for a movie and dinner date...

And at 7, I got an unfamiliar number on my cell. I answered. It was Wendell Smith, asking about the problem...

This man is to septic tanks what the top neurosurgeon is to brains. I told him he needn't have called, but he heard the message and wanted to respond. He told me he's send "his man" over Mnday, to refasten the cover, and if any kids or dogs fell in over the weekend, "Well just fish 'em out, Dave!"

Our sewage is in fine hands...

And now, in the news, is the first media frenzy of the season involving tropical cyclones. Storm Irene is hitting Puerto Rico, and MAY come our way as a Cat 1 cane.

The latest models show it veering North, and maybe hitting Florida near D2!!!! Whatever.

My storm rules are simple. All of my women are to keep gas tanks above 1/2 level during hurricane season (lest another monster like Andrew show up, and we need to decamp to Orlando), and I don't do too much unless we're onder a hurrican WARNING (which means a cane is likely in the next 24 hours). Other than that, all the hoopla is just a conspiracy between the media and its customers to sell more media AND hurricane supplies. I'm convinced that when the cone of death appears, and Miami is anywhere near its center, managers of Home Depot, Lowes, and Publix all get aroused...

So for now, all systems are on regular setting...

But if the septic tank ain't happy, ain't nothing in the house happy...