Take a Load off Fanny...

Today's Herald has an article about grown children and how they share the load of dealing with ancient parents. As next month is the one year anniversary of a crisis time for my ancient Mother, I read it closely.

We were all set to move D2 into her dorm for the start of college. That is an exquisite time for a parent and child, at least in my view. It's a mix of happiness, wistfulness, and reflection. Unfortunately, D2 got pushed off of center stage.

My mother had had a fall, and seemed in a death spiral. My local sister was in Tampa visiting her daughter and grandkids, and my California sister was a whole country away, and dealing with her manifold issues. So, in the middle of stuff, I had to go up to Delray, and fetch Mom, and then drive her back to Delray on our way to Gainesville, in our over packed and over stuffed SUV.

And then, as if in a sitcom, after we left Grandma in her condo, we got a flat tire, and had to spend some time at the tire store, again with the packed and college ready SUV.

D2 was a trooper about the whole thing. She showed a lot of maturity, and realized that, even though it was to be HER time, it didn't work out that way. Of course, we made it to Gainesville ok, moved her in, met the roommates, and did the classic Wal MArt and Target trips, where all of the other parents and undergrads jostled carts full of shelves, and chairs and toilet paper and all manner of supplies. And then we had our menancholy goodbyes...

And then stopped back to make sure Mom was alive. She was.

Now, a year later, Mom is actually doing better. My sister and I have settled into a happy cooperation about taking care of her. I really appreciate that --I no longer feel that I have the whole load myself. We coordinate with each other when we visit, and make sure there's coverage when one of us goes out of town.

The Herald article says that the task are never completely shared, and, in fact, our California sister, due to geography and economics, isn't much of a factor. But we've settled in with Mom, waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop with her...

And in a few weeks, we move D2 again. She'll come home from summer session, spend a week, and then we drive up to Gainesville for what seems like the thousandth time (D1 started in '06, so by now I can recite from memory what each Turnpike rest stop offers).

D2 is moving into the sorority house, so there's no real furniture to buy, but there is still a trip to Target and Wal Mart for supplies and decorations. I get to schlep the heavy stuff up the stairs, Wifey (and presumably D2's roommate Ali's mother) get to make the crucial decisions about layout and colors and coordinating supplies...

So I'm looking for a happier move in this time. Mom is stable in her condo. Any reasonable evaluation of her would find it absurd that she lives alone, but that's the way she demands it.

My sister and I truly share the responsibility of her, and I'm grateful for that...it makes things much better all around.

Hello Gainesville. Here we come again...