Lubavitcher Chronic

Carl Hiassen famously said that it's very tough to be a novelist in South Florida because things happen here that are so weird that they go beyond anything a fiction author could conjure up.

Yesterday I went to visit my friend Rabbi Yossi. He's asked me to write some pieces for his Center, and I've agreed. If he doesn't like my work, he doesn't have to pay me. If he DOES like what I come up with, he doesn't have to pay me. Ever the opportunist, the rabbi likes this arrangement.

Yossi owns an acre parcel just south of his Center. He bought it years ago hoping that someday he'd be expanding his congregation. In the mean time, he rents out the 3/2 house there. Two years ago, he signed up a tenant who has been paying each month like clockwork. He never asks the rabbi for anything, and Yossi has not visited the house since 2007.

Last week, a Miami Dade detective knocked on Yossi's door, and asked all kinds of questions about the house and tenant. It turned out there was a MAJOR marijuana growing operation taking place. I know it's major because the tenant was arrested and bail was set at $500K! That's a serious amount of weed!

I walked over to the property with the rabbi, and he opened a window. Sure enough, that unmistakeable smell was everywhere. PVC pipes ran through several of the rooms, and various hydroponic equipment was lying around.

Unfortunately, his Cheech and Chong left a lot of damage, and Yossi is making a claim with his insurance.

We stepped outside the gate, and stood there for awhile. A large, noisy Harley pulled up to us, with a middle aged guy in leather and an obese biker chick behind him. "Yo --Jose around here dudes?" "Nah --he got arrested."

The Harley peeled out faster than I thought possible for a motorcycle holding over 600 lbs of human cargo.

So, into the colorful cast of characters in the Rabbi's life, we add the pot growing tenants.

The prodigious amounts of alcohol poured at Chabad celebrations are what attracted me to them. If they start passing around a bong with high grade, Torah approved mother nature, I may attend a few more services...