Might As Well Throw in the Towel

Today I went to my friend Dr. Dave for my annual physical, for the first time in 3 years. Dave belongs to a company called MDVIP, which is a concierge medical practice. He gives Wifey and me free membership, to thank me for all of the free legal work I do for him.

I don't like to freeload, so I haven't taken part in the company's "health assesment." Dave called and said that the company audited his patient rolls, and it was "bad" for him if his patinents forego the exam. I think he was BS ing me, but I agreed to go.

My highest trained doctor friends, cardiologist Dr. Eric, and Peds Intensivist Barry, never go to doctors themselves. When I press them for why, they tell me that there's little a doctor would tell them that they want to hear. To them, all this prevention crap is, well, crap.

I see why now. Dave had my blood test results, and told me my cholesterol was high. He had this fancy computer program based on the Framingham protocol, and told me I had a 6% chance of having a heart attack in the next 10 years if I did nothing, and I could reduce that significantly if I lowered my cholesterol and weight.

Also, my PSA numbers were high, which is a marker for prostate cancer.

In other words, I'm well on my way to aging decrepitude.

Wasn't I in college just last week? Weren't my friend Vince and I planning an all time July 4th blowout at his North Miami house, since his parents were away in the Keys? That was the summer of 1981, now a distant memory, as I look back through my cholesterol clogged, enlarged prostate eyes...

So tonight I start on Crestor and a baby aspirin. Dave thinks this will have no side effects, and will give me a much longer life than my father's 63 years.

No side effects???? What if I divorce Wifey, and take up with some 25 year old new babe? How will I explain the Crestor in my overnight bag? Enlarged prostate glands and young, hot wives don't seem to mix...

I turn 49 next month. I knew this was all coming. My friends, in their 60s, or near to it, ignore these signs of aging.

So this is my lot. Go to school for 20 years, become a lawyer, bust my butt to build a practice, give my all to my kids and wife, and then be left an aging, cholesterol clogged, enlarged prostate shadow of my former self...well on the road to decline, senility, and who knows what other degradations?

I don't know --I still feel pretty good. No pain. Chicks still seem to dig me.

I'm looking to change careers, and feel energized about it. Wifey and I are nearly empty nesters. My old Labrador, now 14, still makes it on mile walks.

I'm going to take my Crestor and 81 mg aspirin, and quit whining. And suck out as much marrow from the bones of life as I can.

What are the hot clubs on South Beach these days?