Funny Mother in Law

My mother in law is one of many people who are extremely funny without having any idea they're funny. She's funny like Mr. Magoo --going through life and leaving disarray in her wake, without realizing it.

Now, she gave up driving years ago, so her pecadilloes aren't traffic related (though she had a few of those in her day, too). No -- she says things, thinking no one hears, when they in fact hear her Eastern European accented voice like she were an opera singer.

Years ago, some friends from Central America we had met on a cruise were visiting. My mother in law "whispered" something about the mother, but her whisper would carry across the Grand Canyon: "You know --she must have been pretty ven she vas a young voman!" There's no doubt our guest heard the comment, and Wifey tried to shush up her mother. That only makes it worse, as she then carries on about how Wifey "Can't tell her mother to be quiet!"

Last year, Wifey was driving us all to lunch, and decided to take a short cut through a neighborhood to our South. We got lost, and Wifey pulled over to a nice young lady to ask how to get back to US 1. The teenager was a tad, um, husky. Before Wifey was able to pull away, we again heard the not sotto voce "Oy --such a pretty girl --it's a shame she's so fat!"

Thereafter, Wifey was in a psychiatrists office with her, to get medical backup for the Holocaust Reparations claims. An incredibly obese woman came in, and my mother in law decided this was the perfect time to discuss weight loss, and Jenny Craig with Wifey. Poor Wifey. For all her efforts to change the conversation, it wasn't going to happen. We can only hope that poor patient wasn't pushed over the edge that day.

Now --much of this comes from my mother in law's lost youth. At 16, she was taken prisoner by the Nazis, and much of her famly died in the concentration camps. The years she might have learned social graces were spent, literally, as a slave. So, she gets a very large pass in the behavior department, in my opinion...

Still, yesterday she struck again. She was at the table with D2,who, like many teens, is rather taciturn. Wifey gave her mother something D2 had written, which was masterful. My mother in law went into the kitchen, and said to Wifey, in the famous non whisper "You know --she doesn't say nothing. You think she's a dummy, but she's very intelligent!"

D2 and I began to laugh hysterically. D2, who happens to be brilliant, gets her grandmother. My mother in law just doesn't get herself.

Years ago, my father in law asked a waiter at a Chinese restaurant "Your parents --they're Chinese like you are?" I didn't have my wonton soup that night, convinced the young man had spit into all of our food.

So --Mr. and Mrs. Magoo ride on!