How Do You Know?

This shooting at Northern Illinois University is really getting to me, even more so that the tragedy at Virginia Tech last year. Somehow the Va Tech tragedy is understandable, as the killer there was truly crazy as a loon --writing dark, murderous stories, and relating to no one in his life.

The NIU guy was, by all accounts, much more "normal." I just watched a video of his girlfriend, a pretty graduate student who spoke articulately about him. He was loved, he was accomplished, he drew praise from his professors.

I would imagine that the girlfriend's parents were happy about their daughter's companion. After all, he was getting an advanced degree, was doing well in college, and seemed destined for a bright future.

How do you know who's right for your children? Is there a good way to vet future children in law?

My friend the Rabbi comes from a community where it's expected that one chooses a mate from among their tribe. Marriages aren't arranged, but there's no thought about "marrying outside." Even marrying another JEw isn't acceptable --these folks know that the values so prized by their Chasidic group would be alien to an outsider. They have about a 1% divorce rate, and sociopathologic behavior is virtually unknown.

So, what happens if D1 or D2 bring home a young Jason and tell us that "he's the one?" Well, it goes without saying that the young man will be thoroughly investigated, but is that enough? Apparently not.

So --another thing to worry about, someday. I can hardly wait...