Alpha Helicopter Jewish Mothers (AHJM)

I returned yesterday from D1's family sorority weekend. For the second year in a row, Wifey didn't make the trip on account of her back, so I was the only single father there. As such, I spent a lot of time observing the dynamics of the families at the event.

To my lay anthropological eye, it is clear that in all of the families (at least in this world of upper middle class Jewish sorority girls), the mothers call the shots. There were a few instances where both parents were wage earners, but the typical presentation was a stay at home mother (or a mother with play jobs, like writing articles, part time teaching, etc...) while the fathers provided the financial support.

Still, these moms were LARGE and IN CHARGE. They knew their daughters' lives in detail, and were not shy about suggesting, no, telling, their undergraduate children what to do, and how to do it. The fathers, presumably big shots in their law firms, medical practices, corporate boardrooms, etc... hung around sheepishly. It was a sight to behold.

I watched one mom on her cell phone coordinate tutoring sessions for her younger child, which consisted of several calls to her son AND tutor, including follow up calls when the tutor and tutee didn't agree on an appointment right away. These mothers could run Fortune 500 companies if they weren't so busy running their kids' lives.

On the positive side, D1 had a great time at the events, and it was a delight to see the close bonds the sorority girls have. Some graduating seniors spoke about their bittersweet thoughts about leaving college, and the constant togerthness with their sisters. It was moving.

Maybe Wifey has a secret agenda here --she is avoiding being the helicopter parent like I saw. We both believe that our girls must make their own decisions, and figure out life on their own.

So, D1 is now halfway through college. She's made some great friends, and is learning, both inside and out of the classroom.

I'm learning, too, about a creature I'd never seen before in full action: the AHJM.