Ah, the study and analysis of human nature is a never boring pursuit. Just this am I had a long talk with an old friend who is sadly dealing with a toxic son in law. Her daughter has had serious problems, but the son in law is bad -- like should be in prison for January 6 stuff -- bad. She has tried to have some sort of relationship with the loser, but realized that anything she shares with her daughter goes right back to the abusing husband.
She asked my take, and I told her that her daughter knew she could leave the guy -- there was plenty of financial and emotional support for her and her little girl if she did -- but had chosen to stay with the guy. And I pointed out that, despite the best intentions, my friend was really just a prop in the play that is her daughter's dysfunctional marriage.
It's easy to mistake the two. I like to think that as I age, and gain wisdom, I realize when I think I have relationships with people that aren't truly so. Sometimes I'm just the subject of discussion for others. That's fine, but I have to keep my efforts to those people to a minimum.
The other day I got a message from a cousin, who I haven't seen in person in decades. I didn't even know she had moved to South Florida from New York, to give an idea of our lack of closeness.
Years ago, her father, my uncle, was given a terminal cancer diagnosis by a doc in Delray. He and my aunt asked me if I could get them to see a liver maven at UM. There was a top 10 national liver guy there at the time -- Eugene Schiff. I called Dr. Barry and got my uncle in to see him in a week or so, versus the months it would have taken to get an appointment. And Dr. Schiff delivered great news: the Delray doc was half right -- he DID have liver cancer, but it was slow growing, and he would die WITH it versus OF it. Dr. Schiff was correct -- my uncle died of heart failure some years later -- his liver behaved.
I met them afterwards, my uncle, aunt, and cousin, and took them to a restaurant on South Beach -- not their typical kind of place. When the check came -- wasn't nobody making a move to grab it, so I did. Nice deal, Wifey noted -- you give concierge service AND it comes with a free expensive dinner!
Well -- now the daughter asked me for a GI doc, since "all the ones I see in Palm Beach County are money grubbing idiots." I shared with her the name of the doc D1 and Wifey see -- a UM faculty member. She messaged me back -- first appointment in October. She ended up going elsewhere.
Yeah -- new Dave versus old Dave. The cousin isn't on the concierge service list like many were in the old days. I figure a name is enough -- I don't have to see to any more.
If we learn nothing else as we age, we should learn to take a hint. This am I was on a call with someone who obviously would have rather not been chatting with me, and a neighbor, who is a pretty close friend, pulled up. Gloria saw I was on the phone, and drove off. My phone mate hurried me off the phone anyway.
The good news is, Wifey and I are taking Gloria out for dinner this week -- to catch up. I always learn something from her when we're together -- she's so well read and informed, and we love comparing notes on some of our more colorful neighbors.
Bob Seger sang it so poignantly in "Against the Wind." We need to learn "What to leave in; what to leave out."
So on to the final week of April. You never know what the days will bring.
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